This time when I way up I'm in the same position and still holding his hand. He's lightly playing with my fingers. When I look at his face I slightly frown as I see he's silently crying.
I squeeze his hand a little and he looks over and then wipes his tears away. I sit up putting my hands in my lap not letting go of his. He looks embarrassed for crying.
"Tell me about yourself, or, like, just talk to me. Rant and vent, it helps. I'm a quiet guy and I think my feelings are stupid but I learned suppressing everything makes it hurt worse," I tell him.
"Hmm.. my name is Oliver Scott Sykes." Olher.. I love how he says his name. "I'm 24.. um. I have attachment issues. That's why I was Josh even after he started hitting me," he pauses.
He picks up his phone and sighs. "If you don't want to hang out with me every day you might want to leave now," he says messing with his phone.
Is it bad I want to hang out with him every day? "I'm staying," I announce. He looks at me sadly and then at his phone.
"This is a picture of him.." he says giving me the phone.
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"He was in a band, we both were.. that's actually how we met. But, after he died I quit my band and some asshole took his spot," he says.
"Can I listen to one of his songs?" I ask hoping that wont upset him.
"Um.. not right now. I've finally stopped crying. You can look it up later when your not around me. Just type in suicide silence," he says and I nod a little.
As I'm playing with his hand I look down at it and blush wend I see my shirt isn't covering all of my thighs. If it wasnt dark in the room if you looked close enough you would be able to see white thin lines from my mid thigh up. The farther you go up the newer they get. But the fresher ones that that are actually visible are all hidden under my spandex shorts that are more comfortable than actual underwear.
I use to cut my thighs and hips even a little of my sides but I stopped knowing if I ever wanted to be comfortable in front of someone naked I'd have to stop. But that didn't happen. I just started cutting my wrists as the other places healed.
Now I need to stop cutting my wrists and maybe by the time they heal I'll somehow get better.. it's been a week since I've cut but seems like the longest I can go without going crazy.
"Kellin," he says forcibly making me jump out of my thoughts gasping a little and looking at him with wide eyes and parted lips. He then looses the serious face and chuckles at me. I close my mouth and then open it to talk but can't get words out.
"W-what?" I ask confused and startled.
"You- oh my god that was fuckin precious. You spaced out and wouldn't snap out of it," he says and I blush.
Precious..
I've never been called that before. I pout because I don't seem like I like the cute description of me. "Aww," he says smiling at me. The blush gets heavier on my cheeks. I can almost feel the heat on my pale skin.
"I-.. I'm, I'm going to go brush my teeth," I say getting out of his bed quickly. "And pants," I add pulling and my shirt so it covers more of my legs.
Honestly I hate pants but its embarrassing. I'm self conscious about someone seeing my scars. I go into my room putting on black sweatpants and then brushing my teeth. Once I'm done I do something I've never really done.
I go downstairs even though theres people down here. They are all here, ew, and they all look at me surprised that I've came out of my cave.
"Hi, sorry, does anyone have like, neosporin or something like that?" I ask lightly and Vic smiles at me and the gets up going into the kitchen so I follow and he pulls out a first aid kit out of a cabinet.
"Thank you vic," I says getting out neosporin, cotton pads things, and medical tape.
"What's that for?" He asks.
"Oli punched something and his hand was bleeding," I say quietly. He nods a little and I start to leave. I almost run into somebody who is.. very hot. Why is everyone he so hot?
"Woah, I've never seen you," he says and I feel like this guy is a fuck boy. He's too good looking.
"Hey Andy, this is kellin," Vic says. The guy smiles.
"Okay bye," I say scampering off to go back to Oli to fix up his hand.
