The best end would have been
us making out only once
then screaming at each other
or me screaming at you.
For screaming it takes feelings
and i'm the one who has them.
Or had. I don't know anymore.
The end is in front of us
it will be parting our ways
though they never went parallel
just close
and never met.
I cry a little every time i see her
everytime i saw one of the many other "she" 's
you turning away made me angry in a way that makes me sick, too.
The amount of energy that goes into being jealous and angry every day consumes me
The amount of energy that goes into ignoring you kills me.
It kills a vibe.
It's not getting me anywhere anyways because you were never interested
in me
And i was embaressed a lot
so ashamed in that one moment
it made me realize how displaced i was
how much i wanted to change about myself
about the place i was in
and how incapable i am to changing who i am
how i look and what i do.
I fall apart from comparison and not feeling like i will ever be capable of love or enough self confidence to be slightly happy. I want to creech out of myself and find something that suits me and that makes other people think that i'm beautiful.
I normally end with: what i wanted to say is..
But it don't know what to say. I don't know what i wanted to say.
Or if i really wanted to say anything. I feel like it's all crumbling through my hands and i crumble, too. I disappear into nothing.
And i forgot how to free myself. I forgot how to say what i feel and i don't know how to fucking make me forget you. Go away just go.
