Serendipity ○ All 14

10. Kota

Kota was tired. It wasn't that he was ungrateful for finding survivors. Or that he wasn't happy for his brothers, he just felt the type of tired that settled deep in his bones.

While his brothers seemed to take a shining to New Haven, Kota was still wary. It had nothing to do with their new neighbors or the towns people. It was just the past holding him down. It felt like he was drowning.

He knew his sister was finally happy as well. At nineteen years old, she was ready to start branching out from him and his brothers. There was finally people who she could make her own relationships with.

He worried for her greatly when his mother passed away when the first wave of the virus hit, and it didn't get any better as time went by, but he knew Victor was right. He needed to back off.

It would be hard, because the thought of losing her was enough to turn the blood in his veins to ice, but he could do it.

His continued self-hatred had a lot to do with the break up as well. It almost felt like a betrayal for his brothers to move on so easily when Kota was still aching with every part of his being. It wasn't so much that he blamed himself, but he still felt responsible.

He knew Sang was acting weird, but he brushed it off, thinking it had something to do with the counseling sessions. He never thought he would be so wrong.

Kota looked over at his sister. She was still in her pajamas. They had all decided to be lazy the day before, but it was time to get up and start doing something productive.

"What are your plans for the day?" Kota asked her.

Jessica looked at him incredulously, probably confused that he was assuming she had something going on without him. "You're saying I'm aloud to do what I want?"

"I wanted to get to know the survivors before you went running around," Kota admitted. "But I think that it's safe here."

Jessica eyed him with a little bitterness. "So I'm officially aloud to be an adult and make my own decisions?"

Kota winced. It hurt his heart when she looked at him with those eyes filled with all the bitterness he felt towards himself. Especially since those eyes resembled his mothers so greatly.

"I can't say how sorry I am," Kota told her, his eyes misted over. "I wanted to keep you safe, but I think the more I held on, the more I pushed you away."

"Yes, you did," Jessica said bluntly but stood to walk over to him. She kneeled in front of him and set her hand on his knee. "You can't lock me up forever, Kota. There are just some things you can't protect me from."

"I know that now." Kota looked into her brown eyes and finally let go. He wasn't seeing his mother through her that time and he felt a large weight lift off of his chest.

Jessica smiled at him. She reached her hand up and brushed her fingers over his cheek bone fondly. "There you are. It's been a while big brother."

Kota's shoulders shook with repressed sobs, but he drew himself up to full height and pulled her into a hug. He rubbed his hand up and down her back.

"Thank you," he whispered. "You didn't have to stick around and deal with all of my problems, but you did. I appreciate it."

She scoffed and shoved him playfully. "If I didn't do it, who else would?"

"I'm sure all of the guys would love to brag about them keeping themselves together while I lost my marbles," Kota joked lightly, feeling ten times better than he had in years.

"Speaking of the boys," Jessica stated lightly. "Who are you taking with you to get supplies, assuming Owen hasn't ordered someone already?"

Kota tapped his legs and absently counted the number of people he was responsible for. He kept reminding himself that they weren't the perfect ten any longer. He only had nine if he didn't count the Toma team and his sister.