Dilemmas

17

As soon as he went back to his dorm, his phone started buzzing. Shaun thought it was his mother again, but when he brought up his phone to his face, he saw Caleb's profile picture.

He bit back a curse. Then he gingerly pressed the accept button.

Instantly, a face appeared on the screen, but the face was blurred. "Hi Shaun!" Caleb exclaimed. Numerous brown and blue spots moved across the screen.

He bit his lip. "Hi."

Caleb frowned for a second. Then it disappeared. Or at least, that was what Shaun thought when the feed went fuzzy. "You forgot to tell me?"

He caught himself. "To tell you—oh." Shaun furrowed his eyebrows, remembering the underwater kiss and Caleb seeing him kiss Ryan.

Caleb knows.

"What is going on with you two?" Caleb pressed. "I mean, I haven't seen you guys together in one place, but sometimes. . .I find it awkward, you know. To see someone getting kissed in the cheek. Much worse the lips. Especially if it's two of my best friends."

That means he only saw it once, he thought, relieved. At least.

"It's just our thing," Shaun said, laughing nervously.

"Ae you sure? I mean—look, if you don't want to tell me, then it's fine. Maybe some other time you'll be able to open up. Just. . ." Caleb sounded sad. Now he turned off his camera. ". . .just don't keep things away from me. I mean, I know I shouldn't be snooping around or something. But—but still. . .it's a bro thing, you know what I mean?"

Shaun's lip formed a smile. Then he remembered he couldn't see it. "Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Remember the bro thing," Caleb repeated. "Don't leave anyone hanging."

"Got it." His fingers hovered over the end call button. "So you'll go now?"

"Yeah. I'm at Jed's house with Mickey, by the way."

"Cool," he said nonchalantly. Hanging out with Mickey or Jed wasn't Shaun's thing.

"Yeah. Okay, I'll see you."

"See you," he replied. And before he could end the call, it ended by itself.

Shaun turned off the phone and rubbed his eyes. Caleb's a cool guy, he thought to himself. But sometimes his nose ends up in the worst places.

He took a deep breath. Maybe I'll tell you another time, he thought, as if he was talking to him directly. Another time when I'm ready.

But not today.

•

Drake caught up to him at the canteen. "Hey."

"Hello," he said as soon as he saw him.

As usual, Drake wore his hoodie with the hood covering his head. He had some headphones wrapped around his neck. "Chill," Shaun complemented.

Drake beamed. It was nice seeing him do it. "Thanks." Then he leaned over him to look at the food. "So what are you getting tonight?"

"I don't know, honestly," he mumbled. "I'm not even sure if I'm hungry."

"Wanna sit by our table, by any chance?" Drake winked.

Shaun grinned. "Yeah. Maybe it's time I needed some company."

"Cool, cool. Okay, I'll see you at the table."

Then he walked away as soon as Shaun took his order. Holding his tray, he walked towards the group.

"Hey," Kyan said as soon as he and Dwayne left some space for Shaun to sit.

He sat down. "Thanks," he mumbled. Then he looked at Drake. "For the company."

He gave the dismissive wave. "Yeah, no prob."

Then they ate in silence, their utensils clanging with the trays. Shaun got a spoonful of soup and sipped it. His thoughts drifted around.

What they're telling are no longer rumors, Ryan had said.

The rest of the group were laughing when he suddenly mumbled, "What do you think of Kaden?"

Kyan frowned. "Oh him? I don't know that guy."

"He's the new guy in school," Drake supplied, looking at Shaun with a smile.

"Oh I know him," Ayesha, the girl sitting beside Kyan spoke up. "You should have seen him in our class."

Shaun sat up straight when he heard this. "What's that?"

She frowned deeply. "He's always rambling on about some gays in the school. I mean, personally, I would like to see those in novels, but. . .I dunno. . ." Her voice trailed off to a whisper.

That's me he's talking about, Shaun wanted to say, but he bit his lip before he could respond. They were silent for a few seconds, only listening to the sound of Jamie's munching. She was the one wearing glasses and reading a book beside Shaun.

"There he is!" Ayesha suddenly exclaimed, pointing her finger at something. Shaun turned and saw a boy with ruffled hair lining up.

He raised an eyebrow. "Kaden?"

"Looks like it."

He squinted his eyes. "No. That's someone else. Kaden has this slicked hair and—"

"Well, shit."

Drake snorted. "False alarm, then."

Kyan was looking at someone. "How about that guy over there?"

Shaun turned again and saw Kaden walking towards them. Luckily, he had earphones on and he was distracted.

He looked away quickly. His muscles tensed and his heart drummed even faster. He played with his hands on the table. "That's him, no shit."

"Oh okay."

Then he felt someone touch his shoulder. Drake held back a gasp, and no one said a word. Shaun froze.

He slowly turned and saw Kaden, his earphones off and his eyes locking to his. He felt his entire body turning into stone at that moment.

"Hey," Kaden said slowly. Then he looked around nervously. "Can we talk for a minute? Like you know, in private."

Shaun gulped. His voice quivered. "Um—what?"

•

"What?" Shaun muttered as soon as they got out of the sight of the many students who eyed them with surprise.

Kaden looked around nervously.

Shaun growled. "What do you want to tell me?"

"I. . .I can't explain," he muttered. It was not the first time for Shaun to see him nervous around him.

"If you have something to tell me," Shaun seethed, the anger boiling inside of him. "why don't you tell me? Now."

He muttered incoherently. "I. . .I. . ." He looked behind him. "Let's take a walk."

"I don't want a fucking walk!" Shaun screamed in frustration. He poked Kaden's chest. "Why don't you just go pack your shit and get out of my fucking sight?! How's that for a change?!"

He was about to walk ahead of him when Kaden grabbed his arm. Shaun was about to berate him when he saw his eyes.

They were glistening, like he was about to cry. "You're in danger," he said, his voice shaking. "In grave danger."