Dilemmas

18

Shaun shuddered at that thought. The very words stung him, like the rest did.

You're in danger. In grave danger.

He never wanted his life to be a mystery. He wanted it to be simple and direct to the point. He wanted to stay at home and sleep. He wanted to punch Kaden in the face. He wanted all of this to stop.

Shaun looked up at the sky and threw a middle finger. "To whoever's seeing this, fuck you." He silently hoped no one saw him.

Thankfully, no one at the other two roundtables saw him. Shaun leaned back and saw some of his friends playing badminton on the rocky ground. His gaze followed the shuttlecock sailing past both sides as they received it.

"Cool, isn't it?" someone said beside him.

Shaun jumped out of his seat, turning his head to see a boy there. He clutched his chest in shock. "Holy shit, would people stop scaring me like that?!"

"Calm down!" the boy raised both his hands. "Geez!"

His heart beat slowed. "James. What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be home yet?"

James adjusted his glasses. He beamed. "Mom and Dad. They're on overtime."

Shaun remembered that his parents actually worked as employees in the school. "Oh," he mumbled, fidgeting nervously. "Yeah, right."

"I gotta say, why are you always stuck-up sometimes?" James asked, placing his elbow on the concrete table. "I don't want to offend or anything, but it's like you're wound tight."

Wound tight, he spat to himself. Yeah, right.

Shaun threw a shrilly laugh. "That's me, sometimes. With all the school stuff and shit."

He frowned. "Uh, okay." Then he pulled out his phone and began scrolling down on the screen using his fingers.

Shaun's shoulders loosened as he sat down beside him. "What's that?"

James showed his phone to him. "Comics?" Shaun wondered.

"Manga," he corrected him. "It's all black and white." He showed the phone again to him. "See?"

Shaun nodded slowly. He was confused. James sighed and continued scrolling.

He looked away. The conversation was mostly reigned by the silence of the place. Shaun looked at his watch. Weird, he thought. Usually around this hour they should be here. . .

"Say," James said without making eye contact. "How's the thing with you and Ryan?"

Shaun blinked. "Um, what?"

"The thing," he repeated, looking at him now. "Are you guys actually gay?"

Shaun already considered one aspect, and that was being kissed by him. But he never thought of the fact about being gay—until the time at Caleb's birthday.

"What's the matter with being gay here, anyway?" Shaun scoffed.

"No—nothing," he mumbled. "It's totally fine. I was just asking."

"I mean. . .ah, never mind. I can't really explain."

"It's fine," James offered quickly. "Take your time."

Shaun gave a small smile. But he didn't reply. He bit his lip. And then he sighed.

James patted his back. "Hey man. It's totally okay to be gay. I'm fine with it. But the problem is how other people interpret and tolerate it here."