Autophobia

21

Jordyn's POV

"Are you ready for this?" Kelley asks as I set my camera up.

"No, but I need to talk about it." I say and sniffle a bit. "I don't wanna be silent anymore."

"Alright." My red-head says then she kisses my head. "Do you want any of the girls to be in the room with us?"

"Not really." I say then I finish setting up my video stuff

Once I finish setting up my stuff I press record on the camera then I sit on the bed in front of the camera and take a deep breath.

"Hi everyone." I say and wave at the camera.

I can feel my self getting emotional so I take a few seconds to compose myself then I continue.

"This is gonna be a relatively short video and I'm probably not gonna edit this, but I need to get some stuff off my chest...first off Kelley did not break me and my ex up. I hadn't seen Kelley in two years when I broke up with my ex. The reason we broke up is because my ex was abusive and I have evidence upon evidence of the abuse for you people who don't believe me." I say then take a deep breath. "My ex was charged with multiple domestic violence, assault and battery, rape, kidnapping, and false imprisonment charges...And as of an hour ago my ex was deported back to Britain, she's no longer allowed in America, and she's not allowed within 300 feet of me for the rest of her life."

"You're doing great." Kelley mouths from behind the camera.

"The reason none of you saw the abuse is because my ex would cover up the marks with make up then she would watch my videos before they were posted so she could see if I was alerting you to the abuse." I say then I look beyond the camera and see my girlfriend looking for something.

"Found it." Kelley mumbles then she spins around and hands me Shadow.

"Thanks." I say and smile.

Once I have my stuffed black lab in my arms I look back to the camera.

"All of you know how my ex and I stared dating so I guess I should explain what all happened." I say then take a deep breath. "My ex and moved in together in NYC in 2016 and everything was great for the first week, but we got into a fight about something and my ex hit me."

Behind the camera Kelley gives me thumbs up so I take a deep breath and continue talking.

"My ex said it was a one time thing and I believed her, but from that day forward anytime I did something she didn't like I was hit, kicked, or whipped." I say then I wipe a tear from my eye. "This continue for about six months until one night my ex beat me within an inch of my life and the next day I escaped the apartment she kept me in. A passerby found me and took me to a hospital and the hospital called my cousin then once I was able to fly I went back to Portland with my cousin."

Kelley notices my tears so she hands me a few tissues that I swiftly use to wipe my eyes.

"My cousin and her friends nursed me back to health then in the middle of the night a week after I got to my cousins my ex broke into my cousins house and abducted me. Rebecca drove us from Portland back to her apartment in NYC then she proceeded to rape me for a week straight." I say.

Kelley hands me a few more tissues which I use to blow my nose then I continue speaking.

After being raped, a non stop cycle of physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse ensued  that went on until February 22nd of this year when my ex was about to beat me again, but I yelled that I wanted to break up. I think she only agreed because she believed the people in neighboring apartments heard me yelling." I say then take a breath. "I then packed everything I owned, flew down to Philadelphia where my cousin was, and looked for her until I eventually found her."

After I've gotten everything off my chest I look down at Shadow, who's resting in my lap.

"I only stayed with my ex because she had an ankle monitor on my ankle." I admit. "I also thought I deserved it. She made me think everything was my fault so I thought I deserved to be hit."

I try to keep speaking, but everything hits me all at once and I just start bawling

"Hey." Kelley says then she sits behind me and pulls me onto her lap as I continue to cry. "It's okay baby."

I continue to cry for a while and the whole time I do Kelley just holds me and whispers random sweet things to me that make me feel all fuzzy inside.

"Can you press Stop?" I say as I sniffle.

Kelley nods then she turns off my camera.

"You did great babygirl." Kelley says and kisses my head. "I'm so proud of you

"Peaches." I say

"Yeah Bunny?" Kelley says and wipes a tear from my eye.

"I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" Kelley asks then I look up into her eyes.

"I love you." I admit causing Kelley to smile.

"I love you too Jordyn."

Kelley softly kisses me for a minute then she holds me as I do everything that entails uploading a video.

Once my video is posted I close my laptop and put it on the bedside table then Kelley lays us down on the bed so I cuddle with her and Shadow.

"Do we have dinner soon?" I question.

"Yes, but we're free for dinner." Kelley says.

"Can we order in?"

"Of course." Kelley says then she kisses my head.

A few moments later someone knocks on our door so I look up at Kelley.

"Who could that be?" I question.

Kelley shrugs then she gets off the bed and walks to the door.

"Yes?" Kelley says as she opens the door.

Once the door is open my cousin walks into the room, joins me on the bed, and pulls me into a hug.

"Yes Toby?" I say and look up at my cousin.

"I'm so proud of you." Toby says and kisses my head as I notice Christen is in the room.

"Thanks." I say then I look at my girlfriend. "Kelley can we order some food now?"

"Sure babygirl." Kelley says then she looks at Christen and Toby. "You two wanna stay and eat with us?"

"We'd love to." Christen says.

"Sweet." Kelley says. "Now we just need to decide what to order."

"What do you wanna eat Jordyn?" Christen asks.

"Italian?"

"Italian sounds good." Toby says.

Christen and Kelley order the food while Toby and I stay cuddled up.

"Did you watch all of it?" I ask.

"Yeah." Toby says. "Christen and I watched it."

"Did I do the right thing?" I question.

"You did." Toby says. "You're video's gonna help a lot of people."

"I hope nobody hates on Kelley."

"With the way she was during that video, I think Kelley may be girlfriend of the year."

"Yeah." I say as I look at my red-head. "She really is."