Secrets Behind Finding Rafael (Published Under PSICOM Publishing House Inc.)

6:07 PM

Angelique

We are all inside Dae's van. Pero parang walang tao dito sa loob dahil sa katahimikan. Para bang may kanya-kanya kaming mundo. Iyong tipong we are all lost and fucking stranded to our own world inside our minds to mumble a word, or atleast, to just create any move.

Dae is driving. His eyes never left the road. This is so rare of him dahil siya itong pinakamaingay sa aming magkakaibigan. While Luke is sitting on the passenger's seat. Just like Dae, his gaze was too busy on the road.

Beside me is Calvin, he is holding my hand. I am squizzing it from moment to moment because just like me, alam kong malala rin ang kaba niya. He only gave me a small smile when our eyes met and I scoot closer to kiss him on the lips. Beside him is Shantal, nakatingin lang siya sa bintana. Tila bang inip na inip nang makarating sa University. Her hands shaking on her lap is one of the indications that she really is.

Sa likod namin nakaupo sina Bevs at Benj. Bevs being Bevs is becoming the most obnoxious overthinker that I've known. She is whispering things that I can't understand. And I chose not to. Makakadagdag lang siya sa kaba ko.

While on the other hand, ibang iba si Benj kay Bevs. He is just eating my gummy bears all this time. Para bang wala lang sa kanya ang nangyayari basta may kinakain siya. I will really bet my life just to have this fat guy's mental strength.

Bumuga ako ng malalim na hininga. Matapos ay umirap at ibinaling na lang ang tingin sa bintana. Without thinking, my eyes are travelling from somewhere else.

This shit is getting real and I fucking hate it. I fucking hate that this turmoil is getting massive that I am afraid, I might come to an end where I can never stop it; where I can't help but to just fucking give up and give that faggot his triumph.

That Rafael.

Napapikit ako dahil sa namumuo na namang inis, I am balling my fist and I am close to just exploding. Thinking about his face is giving me whiplash. I will fucking beat him to death kapag nakita ko siyang hayop siya.

This shit will never happen it wasn't for that day.

Everything started because of that fucking moment. That fucking shit of him brought me here.

It was Monday morning, all of us are anxious because it's the day of our fucking exams. These fucking exams! Hindi ako nakapag-review kahapon, nakakainis!

"Paano na 'yan? We are all fucked up." Said by Benj with his knitted thick eye brows.

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Sino ba kasing nag-aya sa party na 'yon?"

He smirked, "Sino ba kasing sumama sa akin? Pinilit ko ba kayo?"

I just rolled my eyes.

This is all his fault! Alam naman niyang may exam kami today, he still has the nerves to invite us to that damn party last night-- well, that party turned out so lit so I am in between of regretting and enjoying it.

"Patay talaga ako kay Dad kapag bumagsak ako." Luke started, I look away when his eyes darted mine. "Dad is fucking conscious of my grades. Ayaw niyang mapahiya nang dahil sa akin."