I love 1D and I wish I could marry them. (1D "fan"fic)

Off The Subject

Ok, so let's clear something up for a moment. Obviously, there are worse things in the world than One Direction. I mean there's war, corruption, starvation and, oh, Justin Beiber.

Justin Beiber. (Is that how you spell her name? I don't know.)

AKA, Dustbin Beaver (Name courtesy of FusedShadow)

I think it's time for another anecdote from me. This one begins with Mrs. Beiber. Oh sorry, I meant Ms. Beiber. I like to be politically correct. Anyway, let us begin.

So, I was listening to my ipod on Saturday (I discovered this new band called Thrice. They're so awesome!). Yes, so, I was in the park having a nice stroll through the trees. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and I really needed to pee. And I mean I really needed to pee. Like, going to pee myself at any moment, I think I will die if I don't relieve myself in the next two minutes. I knew that the nearest toilet was about seven minutes away, but I couldn't make it that far without exploding. In fact, the only place I could go was a bush. It would be horrible, but I knew it was necessary. So, I turned to the bush and just over to the right I heard shouting and screaming.

I already really needed the toilet and then I get scared by screaming. I don't know if you have ever been scared so much that you pee yourself, but it is possible. I was about to die of over-hydration. However, I wasn't going to pee with scream-y people looking at me, so I stopped. I turned around to look at the source of the noise and I saw a crowd of people with cameras, and they were all yelling and screeching and fantasising about this floppy-haired gibbon.

Then, out of the cloud of girls and paparazzi, emerged Justin Beiber. He was swaggering (not swagging, because swag is not a verb.) Anyway, he was swaggering towards me with his floppy hair and girlie face. Hold on, didn't he cut his hair? I'm not really sure. I think he did. Ok, scrap the floppy hair, but he still looked like a nitmunch. He jumped next to me and said, "I love you, so it's obvious you love me. Let's date, or whatever."

So I said, "Sorry, but I really need to pee. Also, I'm not really interested. It's just, I like men. I'm sorry, I hope- you know what, I have no time for this. I am about to wet myself." So I ran away, leaving the man-lady-child alone, and I went to wee in a bush.

And he was like, "Baby, baby, baby, oh. Baby, baby, baby, no. Baby, baby, baby, oh. I thought you'd always be mine, mine." What a massive girl, right? (sorry feminists.)

So that was how I spent my Saturday, how was yours? I don't really care, I just thought I'd be polite.