A Promise

Chapter 9

"Thank you," I said at kinuha yung panyo niya.

Hindi ko lang din kasi minsan maiwasan yung pag sisisi at sakit. I devoted half of my life to him. Noong una, hindi talaga AB Psychology ang gusto ko. Pero nung nalaman ko yung nangyari sa kanya with La Salle. I know he struggled, a lot.

Tita Abi and I were close. Nag kita kami nung High School ako. Sa isang event sa LSGH. She even remembered me. Kaya nga hindi ako makapaniwala na hindi man lang ako naalala ni Ricci.

Tita Abi said that Ricci got depressed. They took him in a doctor to see his condition. I was there, outside the room while Ricci and his doctor talking. I was crying and also in pain. I kept on praying that time na sana, maging okay siya. Na sana maging maayos lahat kasi hindi niya naman deserve 'to eh.

There was one time that Tita Abi also say to Ricci na ako yun. Yung babaeng kababata niya. Pinigilan ko si tita. Sabi ko na gusto ko na maalala ako ni Ricci, nang sarili niya. Yung hindi siya pinilit at sinabihan lang ng iba.

Sa lalim ng pag iisip ko, naramdaman ko na tumigil kami sa isang park. Bumaba kami parehas. Ewan ko bakit wala akong masyadong tanong ngayon. Umaayon ang katawan ko sa lahat.

Pag baba ko, I was mermerized by the beauty of the view. City lights can be seen here. Plus the cold air na humahampas sa balat namin. Ang peaceful lang.

"Go," Juan said. He is serious, but a soft tone on his voice can be noticed. Kumunot ang noo ko at lumingon ako sa kanya. He smiled.

"Go. Shout it all. I saw that there's pain. Pain will be not at ease kung hindi mo ilalabas," He said. "The moment you sang kanina, I knew it. Yes... your voice's beautiful, pero sa sobrang ganda nun. You'll be able see and hear the pain," dagdag niya.  Ngumiti ako at lumapit sa may bandang dulong side.

"Putang-na, Ricci! Minahal kita! Kalahati ng buhay ko inalay ko na sa iyo! Dati... yung mga desisyon ko, ikaw parin yung kino-consider ko imbes na yung sarili ko! Minamahal kita kahit alam ko na walang pag mamahal ang babalik sakin. Na... na kahit alam kong imposible, tinuloy ko parin. I've took so many risks Ricci! Eh, ikaw? Do you even took a risk for me?"

"Did you even think of taking risks with me?"

"Minahal kita kahit masakit na!"

"Minamahal parin kita kahit na ang sakit sakit na!"

"At hanggang ngayon, napaka-tanga ko parin kasi mahal parin kita kahit na sobrang durog na ako!" I shouted at burst in crying.

Lord! Kailan po ba ako makakawala sa sakit na 'to?

"W-Wala nang natira sakin... k-kaya paano naman ako mag-sisimula?"

I looked back at Juan. He's sitting in the grass. He tapped his side. Unti unti akong nag lakad patungo sa kanya at umupo.

"Ricci was my greatest love," I started but not looking in Juan.

"Pinanindigan ko yung pangako niya kahit hindi naman ako yung nangako." I said at tumawa ng mahina. "Tanga 'no?" Dagdag ko.

"Walang ibang may alam na dati... yung mga pinag gagawa ko, para kay Ricci. Wala ngang may alam na crush ko siya eh," sabi ko habang nakatingin parin sa paligid na tila'y pilit akong pinapakalma.

"Tahimik kasi akong tao. Di ako friendly noon, so I don't have couple of friends," Pag ke-kwento ko kay Juan. Alam ko na nakikinig lang siya. He didn't even bother to speak.

"Kaya ganoon nalang yung tuwa ko, noon na... finally I have a friend. May kaibigan na ako. And take note, pinangakuan pa ako ng kasal," I said. Juan looked at me.

"Oo, that's true. You heard it right. I think we were at 6 or 7 years old that time, funny isn't? Iba yung feeling ko nun e, sobrang saya. Walang pag-lagyan ang saya ko nun... pero pagka gising ko, binawi niya agad."

"He left without saying anything or kahit paalam man lang," I said.

"Doon na ako nag simulang maging cold. I became too cold where people can't notice me anymore. At that time, I don't want to have a friend anymore. All I can think was... iiwan lang din nila ako like what Ricci did to me. So, I barely smile and laugh. I was always in my room. Doing assignments and reading books. Modeling and endorsing was not really like me." Ani ko.

"I just have do that to earn. I have to be independent."

"Kaya noon, sabi ko. Tama na... tama na yung pag papaka tanga ko sa kanya," I said and smile at Juan.

"Pero sarili ko lang pala yung niloko ko. Look at me now, ito na naman ako. Tangang babaeng walang alam kundi ang umiyak. Nandito na naman ako sa stage na lugmok ako at puno ng sakit," I cry again.

After minutes of crying, I wiped my face and fixed myself and I looked at Juan.

"I know you're wondering kung bakit ko 'to sayo sinasabi... Kasi diba, it's good to say things to other na hindi mo kilala," ani ko at tumingin siya sakin.

"Why?" He asked. I smiled at him.

"Kasi walang judgement... You didn't know me, I didn't know you. That's all."

After that encounter with Juan. We ate samgyupsal. I spoiled myself. Kumain ako ng kumain without minding my shoots in the next few days. HMMM! Pwede namang mag diet eh. Hehehe

Pag kauwi ko nun, nakatulog ako ng maayos. It's a strange feeling. Parang wala akong grudge na hinohold sa sarili ko. Yung parang I was reborn.

Juan and I became not so really close. Naging textmate na kami, lunch buddy. And even groupmates! There was one subject kasi na he had to attend and nandon din ako!

My week have passed well. My subjects are doing great at also yung pag model and endorse ko. I was preparing nalang to that particular subject na we have to perform. Syempre! Kailangan kong mabuhay. Tho, I have my mom and dad's allowance, but still. I want to earn my own money by my blood and sweat.

Akala ko nun, magagalit si Ricci. Akala ko hindi na siya mag tetext, hindi na siya mag papakita sakin. Na hindi na siya mag popost ng mga kung ano-ano.

Pero things got really opposite!

He texts me everyday. Waits me up in the lobby of my condo. Sa kada punta niya, yun din yung mga beses na nireject ko siya na ihatid ako. He goes outside of my class and leave until I exit that class. He posts some photos of me that's why media is so noisy about us.

Is this a sign?

For another heartbreak?