untitled

Chapter 2

(flashback during gun's first year in college)

"give your money to me or i will really kill you" a stranger who was holding an ice pick and was targeting me. I ended up giving everything including my bag since I was being taught not to exchange your life with those earthly things. If the bad guys want it, they can have it.

After stealing everything from me, I still went to school and inform the guards and they helped me file a complaint to the police station.
It was a tiring day indeed. I haven't eaten anything since the bad guy stole my stuffs. But I just don't want to make my mother worry, nor my friends I didn't tell them so that they won't think I'm a troublemaker. I only have 2 friends, it would be really sad if they would also leave me.

At that time my main concern was not to eat but how will I go home. I don't have my cellphone anymore and any money. I couldn't walk too far or else my feet and legs won't be able to handle it.

I was even thinking not to pay while riding a bus. Hmm, but what if I get caught. Then should I tell the bus driver the truth? Maybe the driver would believe me, since I looked pathetic.
Sometimes I hate my pride too. If only I asked help from my friends, then this wouldn't be a problem. But since they're not here at the moment, again I have no choice but to plan this sh**.

"is that your money on the floor?" a guy who was standing near the bench I was sitting asked.
"Ahh no, maybe someone must have dropped it." I think I know this guy. Maybe his name was offkhumpol, offjunkul, off... All I know was that he was hitting a first year girl in my class.

"why don't you keep it then until the owner arrives, or use them since all the things that are found on the road is no longer ones property"
I laughed at what he said as I asked him where did he get such damn thing

"you look cute when you smile you know. I noticed that you look sad since the time you are waiting here at the bus stop. Smile a little."

If only he knew that there was no reason for me to smile. I'm not the most miserable person on earth, but I know I'm one of them. It's been always hard for me to smile ever since my dad left us for another family, it was always hard to laugh seeing your mom working all day just for us to eat 3 times a day, it was always hard to say "it's fine everything will be alright" because it has never been fine for as far as I could remember. And there was this Off jumpol, khumpol whoever he was, asking me to smile more often just because it suits me?

"I couldn't smile, I don't want to smile unless you give me reasons to." I challenged his gaze.

"simple, you have to smile so that the world will smile at you too. You are given a chance to wake up everyday, so why not live as if it is your last. Smile often, love more, learn to forgive, be grateful in all the things you have now. Stop thinking what will happen tomorrow and what the past have made you. Just live now. "

Must be so easy for him to say these things. Ive had enough of the day. Without eating anything whole day and the fear of not being able to get home, i gave up and cry. I guess that was the first time I cried again after my dad left us.

He gave me handkerchief and smiled at me. "you really are cute, even when crying. But nobodys happy seeing someone crying with all their heart. Take the money I dropped it, it's no longer mine."

Present
In gun's room

Those moments were still very clear to me. I know you would no longer recognize nor remember that incident but I would never ever forget it. Then I heard rumors about you being a gangster, a playboy an asshole. Those were the things I never wanted to believe because I know the real offjhumpol was the one who talked to me 2 years ago.

I still have the handkerchief you gave. I didnt plan to give it back to you because I know that would be the first and last time I'll talk to you because as I said, I'll never associate myself with someone too much.

Next day
The clinic told my mother about the incidence of constantly getting painkiller from them and asked my mother to seek for a specialist.

"no I don't want to. We will end up paying expensive check up fees and it just turn out normal. I will be okay. Maybe I just have bone pains just because I don't use my bones too much." but my mother was not happy of what I said and so we ended up seeing a doctor.

Many lab tests were done and it was kinda exhausting for me. The doctors just gave me prescriptions for the pain and in cases of severe and intolerable pain, I should be brought immediately to the hospital.

When the results arrived, and the doctor explained it to us. My mother became pale. I couldn't understand much of my disease. After all I'm not a medical student. But the doctor explained it in the simplest words wherein Im diagnosed with bone cancer.
So that explains my fragile bones, the constant and recurring pain, how I  easily get fractures.

Great I'm not only poor, I'm also sick.  Since the cancer is still in a not so early stage, they adviced me for a therapy.

"we don't have money for that." my mother couldn't take it and instead slapped me. I'm the one sick here, why should she do that. She was crying so hard as she doesn't want to let me die

I'm not gonna die yet, Im about to graduate, and I still want to do those things I want to experience. Im still young, it's too cruel to take my life away especially when I'm deprived of fun things. Not now, I won't die yet

I was lying on my bed that night. Thinking I would die someday. That no matter what I do, my life span will be decreased. The doctor said for the therapy, they have to remove the cancerous bone for it not to spread to other parts of the body which could be fatal when it happens. If I pursue the treatment, Ill end up having only one leg.

As I keep on thinking I suddenly became worried with my life. *live as if it is your last" as what off said. Yeah I guess I should do that. Maybe I'll make my dreams come true one at a time.

So that even if I die soon, there won't be no regrets after