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Chapter 25

Off's pov

What a day. I just arrived at my home after my shift at the convenience store. I know I need to rest for i have a class at 11am. But my mind is filled with so many things now.

And I've been trying to contact Gun's number and after so many attempts, I still couldn't call him. Damn this gives me headache.

As I lay down on my bed, I couldn't forget what happened during the weekend, what happened between me and Jane.

Flashback.
We were kissing at that moment. Then as we parted, she whispered to my ear saying we should head somewhere more private.

I knew that was wrong, but I still followed her. She dragged me to an area secluded. And she wrapped her arms around my neck and started kissing me. It was getting intense. I started touching her too. I didnt know why I did it. Maybe it was a spur of the moment. Maybe I was sexually frustrated, I wasnt sure anymore. I was feeling.... so good at that time..

She was so soft unlike Gun. She was way more experienced than Gun. She's making me so good, so full of lust... But......

I suddenly remembered my first  time with Gun. He was so scared and vulnerable, but I found him cute. As we were doing it. I knew he will be in so much pain, but he still did it for me... He trusted me that night..  He trusted me with all his heart..

I heard his voice saying I love you...

I stopped her from kissing me. This isn't right. Even if Jane is a woman whom I supposed to love and end up with, Im still madly inlove with someone who's a boy.

Off: Jane. I don't want to owe you anymore. I'll stop working in the convenience store until next week. Let's not see each other again.

She cried in front of me. She was begging me not to go..

Jane: no Off. Please don't leave me. I always prayed for the moment we will meet again. I never allowed myself to love somebody because I only love you all these years. I even change as to your liking.. Pleaseeee....

Off: did you still remember the time you told me that one day you hope I could find someone who I will truly love?...... I already found that person... I was so confused with myself when you came back because I know a part of me still likes you as a person and as a woman. But...... I can't replace Gun not for you and not for anyone... And since I'm an asshole I'm sure Gun can always find someone better than me, but before that happens I will surely die.. So please....let's end this now....

She left crying. I guess meeting her again made me realize that i can no longer go back to my old self... And I choose this path to be with Gun. And I know I won't be regretting this.

Gun's pov
Im definitely spacing out on my bed. I turn off my cellphone because I don't want to receive any calls for now especially from P. I know I should be asking him with regards to this matter but I'm scared. What if he already realized that.... that he likes to be to with women more... I can't breathe while thinking about it.

Then my mom came. She then caressed my hair and was smiling.

Gun's mom: did you tell Off about you leaving?

Gun: not yet..

Gun's mom: are you mad or something? Did you fight with Off?

Gun: no mom. Im just tired...

Gun's mom: ohh my baby. Then just rest okay.  I just thought you're mad at Off because he fought with your father the last time he was here.

I then looked at my mom and was about to ask what happened.

Gun's mom: that time your father and I were fighting. I just couldn't help it. He kept on insisting that I was a bad mother. He said it was my fault why you Are sick. But I guess Off heard it. He approached your father and said bad words. And that's how they ended up fighting. I don't know... But baby you're lucky to have a friend like Off. He cares for you more than I could think off.

I don't know what to believe anymore. I love P Off with all my heart. But I'm not so sure anymore if he still feels the same. What if.... he only feels obligated or he feels sorry for me.
At that night I couldn't sleep. I just hugged the two toys that he gave me. Please P... Please tell me that all the things Sing said was not true.

After few days
Im surprise to see P Off sitting on my bed looking at me while I wake up. He smiled at me and gave me a morning kiss.

Gun: p what are you doing here? It's not even weekends. What about your class?

Off: Is it bad to skip my OJT today because I want to spend time with my baby?

I smiled at him but then I suddenly remembered what sing told me. And I couldn't help but frown. He saw it and he decided to take me to the park for awhile.

I was sitting on the wheelchair and he was sitting on the bench. He told me stories and school experience stuffs. He was laughing with his jokes. But.. My mind was all about what sing told me.

Gun: sing told me that he saw you with a girl last Saturday. Was it true?

He was in extreme shock when I asked him. And he changed the topic.

Gun: come on P. I just Wanna know if it's true.

And honestly it was pissing me. He kept on changing topics and I only wanted him to say that it's not true. Is it so hard to give me an answer?

He then closed his eyes

Off: I was with... Jane.

Gun: oh really? Then what did you do with Jane?

Off: she... She helped me get a job.

Gun: why do you need a job P?

I needed to stop my tears from falling. I just couldn't get it. If there's nothing wrong, then why can't he look me into my eyes.

Off: because I wanted to help..

Gun: FOR WHAT?

Off: Gun. I wanted to help you with the treatment. I kept giving my salary to your mom so that they can start with your chemotherapy.

Gun: what a joke. WHO THEN ASKED YOU TO DO THIS STUPID SHIT.. I never asked you any of this.... Or.. Maybe this is your way huh so that you can go back with your old fling.

Off: no it isn't. She just happened to be there and she helped me.

Gun: so that's it. There were nothing more. Nothing happened between you two?

Off: we.... We kissed. I'm sorry..

Gun: so do you love her now? Did you have sex with her? I bet you enjoyed it too huh

Off: no... I only love you.. Please believe me.

He was already crying, but I'm so mad right now. It was all lies.. Everything was a lie then. All his promises to me all the vows, all the sweet talks and his proposal. How stupid of me.... Why did I believe all those when I knew from the start that he will never ever love me. That from the day I was born all those people who are important to me will end up hurting me.. What did I do to for them to hurt me like this?

Gun: GET LOST

Off: no bii... Pleasee I can fix this. I already ended everything me and Jane had please..... Don't do this....

Gun: stop taking advantage of me P.. I'm sick.. Or if you want you can kill me now... this life is a shit anyway.... From the start it was a mess.. But... Loving you was the only hope that I have and now you're destroying it.... You're destroying the only hope that makes me want to live....

I wish I didn't meet you in the first place.. I wish we didn't get closer and I wish I didn't ask you to be my boyfriend.. . It would've been so much easier to die..

TBC