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Chapter 28

Off's pov

To: gun_attaphan
From: tumcial

Gun.. How are you? Me? Well I'm doing well with my life. I know I haven't sent you a proper email and I know you asked me not to wait for you anymore but... I couldn't help it... It's okay if you won't reply to this message and I won't even care if you will be able to read this or not, I still want you to know the highlighted events of my life.

I haven't told you yet and I was supposed to keep it a secret however, I still want you to know that I came at the airport on the day that you left. I don't want to approach you since you don't want me too right? But I was happy that you're looking so well. I just want to see you off and I was happy that I did. Please don't be mad at me..

After you left, I was busy studying so that I won't feel this emptiness inside me. I also delayed my visit to my province. I just sent a greeting to nirins first birthday and my family was disappointed due to my absence.

But still I did well in school and at last I finally graduated.. It was a happy moment for me. My family came to my graduation and my father said he was so proud of me. I just wish you were here to see me climb on stage and received my diploma. But it's okay... I still do what you always wished for me.

And yeah before I forgot, your idiot childhood friend was now successfully married, and as a proof I attended.. I came there alone and that bone head childhood friend of yours was still as irritating as ever. And see, he's not that chummy and clingy to his wife. I was then so sure that Tay liked you so much and I needed to punch him for that. But at least he loves his wife cause I saw it in his eyes while they were dancing. While they were dancing, a song was being played. And that song reminded me of you.. But I didn't have any idea of the songs title. I was planning to ask Tay about it but  I forgot to ask him...

Moving forward, my career goals didn't end there yet.. I had to review for my board exams. It was quite stressful and tiring for me. Sometimes I could remember you and it made me want to hear your voice. I looked like a fool calling your number but I'm aware that my call would never reach you in States.

That was a torture of me.. My life was all about review, board exam, eating and review again.. However it was still worth it. I passed and got my license..

I then applied to my first job. It wasn't a high rank job but still a good start for me. The salary wasn't good enough though but i know this job is an opportunity for me to gain experience in my career.

2 years passed after you left After getting a stable job and a satisfactory salary. I was then again lonely. It feels like something is still missing in my life. And then a new employee came in my workplace.

She was pretty and decent. She also resembles you cause she was so gentle and small. So I did what you tell me and that's to find love.

It wasn't hard to like her though and I was lucky that she liked me back. However, we dated for only 3 months.. It was good at first we go on a dates like a lot but.... Still it wasn't enough.. I just can't love her more than I have loved you. So we ended things for good.

There was also a time that I went to club with my coworkers every night just to relieve from stress cause things inside the office became so intense. I met few girls and hang out with them but no special feelings involved it was just for fun. But still, i got bored easily.. I still felt that there's a missing piecein my life. And so I decided to rest myself from love as of now. And focus myself on working.

Last years December I went to visit my family. And after a long time i spent my Christmas and New year with them. I felt happiness then after so many days of feeling lonely.. We exchanged gifts and I gave Nirin a stuff toy. It then made me remind of you. Because I knew for sure that if youre with me during Christmas, you would still ask me to give you those cute toys..  And guess what, I then heard that song again... The song I heard during Tays wedding. I heard it being played in the radio. I just kept on wondering why that song made me remind of you.. I tried searching for its title by memorizing a line from the song however, I couldn't find it. I even called Tay to ask him but that guy didn't even have any interest in music.. So the song was still untitled for now..

It's been 3 years now since you left. And for the recent happenings of my life, I'm afraid I couldn't tell you more of it cause nothing seems so interesting. Everyday is just routine  which makes it so tiring and unexciting..
But not for Oab. I actually met him again last week and he already got a girlfriend. That girl was so sweet and an eyecandy, surely Oabs type. And did you know that he's already engaged? Yeah he is. He invited me to his wedding next year and he asked for you too. But I just told him the truth and he wasn't happy of what I said though. But apart from him was I actually visited your mother last last week. I spent a day in your house where I slept inside your room. She was so sad you dimwit. Why can't you at least give her a call. For 3 years you didn't actually bothered to call her, she's getting old you know. At least give her a call..

Okay I'm not mad at your selfish acts hehe but I really miss you right now.. But I just need to cope this up. Everytime I miss you so badly I just look at those pictures we had during our trip. And you were still shining at that time.. Those were only the pictures I had with you.. And lately... I have to remind myself to look at your picture before I go to sleep so that I'll be able to dream of you... I still want to see you and hear your  voice even if it's just a dream.. Is it too much to ask..

You just didn't know how many times I wanted to give up on you.. I wanted to do the things that won't make me remember you... But I always fail.. Everything I do is always associated of you. Even in my job to the girl I dated even the songs I listened, you're still a part of every decision I made.

Why Gun? Why does it so hard to let you go.. I don't even know what you've been doing all these years. And it's painful for me to expect nothing in return..

I still fucking love you... And it gets even stronger... I want to see you. If only you would tell me where you are then I'll go immediately to you.

Money is no longer a problem anymore. I can buy you a house if you want to because thats what I've been saving for... Time is no longer an issue too, I can be with you as long as you want to...

Okay fine I know it's too much already. But maybe just seeing you and knowing youre fine is enough... Please tell me you're doing great and okay.. Please tell me you're living as what you promised.  That's all for now. This message is too long for you to read you might get bored.

I just want you to remember always that nothing has change in me. I'm still the Off since the first time you met. I'm still the Off that misses you and I loves you..

___________________________________

Weeks came after, I was taking my afternoon nap when the office called me and reminded me of my projects deadline. Shit they just disturb my beauty rest. I opened my email to send the file to the company. After sending it, I noticed a new email that I haven't read yet. And the email seems like it was still from last week..

To: tumcial
From: gun_attaphan

P... I'm sorry I just replied now. I'll be going back to Thailand... See you soon..

I then fell from my seat..

FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

TBC