Destined

Fifty Eight

I was still shaking minutes later as Vince held me, handing me a glass of water. I took it and sipped it slowly. Images kept flashing through my head and I handed the glass back to him. He put it on his bed side table. I pulled at the sheet around my shoulders, suddenly cold.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.
"The doctors said it wouldn't do you any good," he replied.
"Is that why the police haven't been to question me?" He nodded and I sighed.
"Do you remember everything?"
I nodded, "I was on the floor, he was standing over me when I got the knife," I stopped, tears filling my eyes as I began to tell him everything that happened to me.

Vince hugged me tighter. I could feel him tense every time I told him something about what he said to me or when he hit me, but other than that, he didn't let himself express his anger, choosing instead to comfort me.

"The videos," I gasped.
"What?"
"He had videos, there's...there's a camera in my room," I stammered. "I forgot, but when he had me in that cabin, he showed me videos, he'd been watching me, for months,"
I felt Vince tense again, "Watching you?"
"He had videos of us," I hiccuped, "Of us talking, kissing...having sex, of me sleeping, dressing, he'd been watching the entire time,"
"Is the camera still there?"
I nodded, "I forgot, I'm so sorry,"
He shifted so he was sitting on the bed in front of me, "Why are you apologizing?"
"I know you're angry. I never lock my windows. You're always telling me to and that's obviously how he got in and now..."
"Babe, forget that for now," he said making me look up at him by taking my face in his hands. "I'm angry, yes, but not with you, that man was sick, and dangerous,"
"And I killed him," I mumbled.
"He was going to hurt you, he did hurt you. It was self defense,"
"Am I...am I going to jail?"

I knew I wasn't. But I was just so shocked by the memory, by the event, all of my fears were running through my head and I couldn't seem to not voice them in that moment.

"Does this mean I have a record? I can't be a judge, can I? Not after this. No one would hire me with this taint on my record,"
"Hey, calm down. Now that you remember, we'll go to the police tomorrow, and then we'll figure this whole thing out. As for now, I suggest you call your mum and let her know,"
I smiled despite my foul mood, "She made you promise to call her once I remembered, didn't she?"
He nodded, "I couldn't say no to her,"
"No one can," I sighed.
"Are you okay?" he asked and I nodded. He cocked his head to the side and gave me a disbelieving look. "Talk to me,"
"There's nothing to say," I sighed again.
"You killed a man," he said matter of factly, leave it to Vince to be so straight forward.
"I couldn't..." I stopped unsure how to explain myself.

I had no regrets. I would do it all over again. He was hurting me. He would have raped me, and that would have killed me. I had to. I couldn't let him...I just couldn't.

"I'm not blaming you. But you took someone's life, that has to have left you feeling some kind of way," he said.

I looked at the bed trying to gather my thoughts. But I had none. I was numb. I was tired but unable to rest. I was angry, but with no one to take my anger out on, as the person that deserved it was now dead, thanks to me. I was sad. I sniffed.

"Hey," Vince tipped my chin up making me look at him again. "Let it out,"
"I killed him," I mumbled. "I took away the life of a human being. I stabbed him, over and over again," I said as tears formed in my eyes. "I'm a murderer, Vince," I cried and he pulled me into his arms, hugging me like he had several times before. "How can you touch me right now?"
"Kristina," he spoke, his breath hitting my ear. "I've told you before, nothing could change the way I look at you. You're still brave, and bright and everything this world needs, especially at a time like this. You defended yourself, how can I do anything but love you more for it? You've been nothing but strong and as much as I want to be the person that protects you, you've shown me that you're capable of that all on your own too," he kissed my hair. "You're not a murderer. No judge or jury could condemn you for what you did,"
"No?"
He pulled away and smiled at me and shook his head, "No,"
"There's more," I said.
"More?"