With Death Etched In My Heart

Chapter 1:

Wake me up, wake me up inside, wake me up and save me , call my name and save me from the dark . Bid my blood to run, before I come undone, save me from the nothing I've become....

I lay on my bed, relief flooding through my body as the lyrics ran through my mind. It was over. All the pain I felt coming home to a drunk father had finally ended after hours if being beaten. Another rough day at school always means hell to pay at home. It kind of hurts to keep all of yourself hidden.... But I simply can't open up to anyone, Ever since Emmy, my mindset has completely gone south.... It amazes me, how one thing can affect your life so easily. And its even more amazing how much one person can destroy the way you see reality, and the people around you. I thought of her frequently. She was quiet the fantastic individual, so beautiful, brave, strong ... Her sense of humor never failed, I wish I could say it didn't fail until the end....

I suppose Emmy was the girl that I saw as different. I mean, really different. She was so standoffish, and quiet. It was really cute, though. She always came into school wearing the coolest band merch, or jeans... Her hair was always dyed and arranged with the neatest accessories and colors. She was just so bright and very hard not to notice. She was perfect. Her style was amazing. That definitely attracted me to her, but it wasn't what interested me the most in her. See, I have this vibe I get from certain people. I can always tell if there's something that person is holding in, and they're just dying on the inside. Emmy had that. There was the physical tell tale signs... I saw that she tried covering up thick cuts and scars with bracelets or long sleeves. It was one of the most obvious details about her. Another sign was she was so thin, not thin as in cheerleader thin, but thin as in her thigh gap was nearly as wide as one of her legs. Sometimes, she'd wear tighter shirts, and her ribs would poke through the material. Sometimes I wondered what was going on in her life, and finally, I got up the nerves to talk to her.

It was a very chilly day in Winter. She was dressed in a pink fur coat, with black and pink stripped fingerless gloves, black boots, and of course, pink hair. Her little assortment made me smile, and I couldnt help but think how freaking adorable she was. I walked up to her, and waved. "Hi." I stuttered out stupidy. I facepalmed myself, feeling so so dumb. "Hey.." She whispered quietly. Her voice was higher pitched, and smooth, yet very apprehensive and nervous. "My name's Asher." And I smiled at her. She blushed the tiniest bit, and the corners of her lips perked up just the shyly. "I'm Emmy." Her name matched her well, I don't know why, just seemd to fit. It's innocence went well with her appearances.

Then, the bell rang. Of course. Emmy quickly gathered her things, and I lifted my Vans bag over my shoulder, and flicked all the braclets covering my arm down, noticing my scars were showing.... Emmy's eyes flickered from my eyes to my wrists, and I suddenly felt panicked take toll over me. "Um... Well, see you later. Bye Emmy." I stuttered quickly, and ran down the hallway, away from where she was standing. I felt bad, just leaveing her standing alone, but I had to. Emmy didn't need to know how screwed up I was already. People simply couldn't accept kids like me, and I didn't know Emmy. I didn't know if she could be trusted, or if she would hate me because of my scars.

I flciked my hair from my eyes once more, and adjusted my elecric blue beanie. I looked like cotton candy, with my pink hair colliding with the blue of my hat. I felt eyes on me from everywhere. The halls were packed with people, and most people truend their heads to stare and gawk at me. Girls giggled and gossipped, averted eyec ontact when I glanced back at them. Guys nudged eachother and pointed at my clothes, probably thinking how weird I was. I didn't care anymore, but it bothered me somewhat. I felt self-concious most of the time when I'm around people, because I know they are disgusted with me, and inside, they judge who I am,and what I have done. Honestly, I don't want to care how society sees me, but in a way, I do. I want to fit in, but I want to follow my own path, and my own style. I dont want others to control my life, and who I am. But, I want society to accept me. Some days, I just feel torn between being who I want to be, and being who society wants me to be.