With Death Etched In My Heart

Chapter 16

Gosh I've made these chapters short. I'm super sorry guys, I've just been super pumped about writing this story again. I guess I missed it. I actually started a Diary for Asher, because I didn't want Asher to be a forgotten character. Truthfully, Asher is me. Just, a male. He's based off of me... Yeah. Haha, but, please, enjoy this chapter.(:

*Asher, day of Graham's death*

Another five days had passed, and Graham hadn't come once. Neither did my parents. I didn't expect them to, I didn't expect anyone to, really. Everyone probably forgot about me. Oh well, I was used to it.

It was pretty average, this day. I mean, the nurse came in, filled the IV's with liquids, headed out again. The sun shone through the curtains lightly, and the birds chirped. It was peaceful. I hadn't rested like this, ever. I could get used to it...

The TV was on, left by a nurse who had visited for a while. It was on the news station. I had been watching with great boredom. Something about a came of Ebola found in New York, and whatnot. Really, I didn't pay much attention. I was slightly stir crazy in all honesty. When the news heading flashed...

'High School junior Graham Balster, Age 16, Found dead in home early morning."

My breath caught. I reread the captioning. Graham Balster. I felt myself go numb, and pale. That can't be.... Him...

I nearly puked, realizing what happened. The news stated his body had been discovered by a concerned neighbor. It showed he had hung himself, with his belt.

He was found in his bathroom at 4 A.M. lifeless, and pale... his funeral would be held a week from today. With that, the news flashed elsewhere. My mouth went dry, and my mind raced. What caused it? What triggered him to bring himself to this? Graham was always such a strong guy. Everyone loved him. He was the star of the school. People died to be who he was, to be in his position,

What could have possibly gone wrong? I didn't even get to know him... after all he said, I didn't get the chance to tell him I forgave him. He'd never know that he was forgiven. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him. Now, I would never see him again. My chance to make things right between us was gonna, and I was never getting another one.

I stared into the TV, choaking back sobs. I reached my hand up, wiping away tears that had begun to spring into my eyes. My hospital gown sleeves fell down, revealing all those thick cuts and scars. On both of my wrists, were the twenty three plus stitches holding my skin together... And I set off.

The tears wouldn't stop. They came, and came. I hadn't cried in so long.... and now, a classmate killed himself, all because of me. Because I couldn't handle a bit of teasing. I was so weak, it Was pathetic. I look at myself and think, 'what if things were diferent?' But they werent.

Do you ever have that feeling, where you want to say something, and you know you should, but you just can't? This is how I feel, only, I'll never get the chance to speak to him again. It was a knife to the chest.

For the rest of the day, I simply lay there. Thinking about all the things in life, that were unfair. Life was unfair, a heartless bitch. It didn't give second chances to the ones who deserved it most.

Eventually, I drifted off to  sleep. Much later, the room was dark, and I startled awake. I was covered in a cold sweat, as I looked around the room. I tried to get up,but a sharp pain in my arms prevented me from moving. I looked, and saw IVs sticking from my arms. My heart sped up, and I touched my hand. The skin underneath it was cold and pale.

"I'm awake..."