Things I Almost Remember: A Selection Story

A Letter

"I can't. I could never take down King Marid and then, then," Kate sucked in a breath. "Be the queen of a huge country."

Kate and Ahren sat in Camille's office where they had been discussing plans of what to do for nearly two hours. Camille had been with them for a bit but had left the room to find something.

"You would not have to do it alone, not ever. We would be behind you," Ahren said, trying to calm Kate who was starting to hyperventilate. "Kate, I know you don't want to hear it, but you were always destined to be queen, and you are the only one who can take the throne. Even though Elodie and I might arguably be in distantly, you would still be the first in the line of succession as the oldest child of the last monarch."

"Just say I did it, I would have no idea how to make decisions and be in charge of people. I would mess everything up. I would probably make everything even worse," Kate said collapsing into a chair by the large fireplace in the office.

"Kate, your grandmother, my mother, became queen after growing up in poverty and not having any expectation that she would end up in that position. She was an incredible queen. Your mother, I will give you, had all the training, but she was so caught up in her own wants and desires, and it was very difficult for her to develop the outlook on life she needed to truly be a good queen. I loved her deeply, but when we were younger, she enjoyed all the perks without realizing the responsibility and selflessness she needed to have as a queen."

"That sounds like me," Kate muttered. "I want to run away."

"I actually find you very different from your mother," Camille interjected, coming back into the room. She walked across the large space to them, holding a small jewelry box and an envelope.

"I loved Eadlyn. We had some difficulty getting along when we were younger as we were pitted against each other often in the press and at official engagements, both being female heirs to powerful thrones. However, Eadlyn always found it difficult to show how she felt, to truly understand the feelings and positions of others. She was a loving good person, but she struggled to show it until she met your father," Camille said, sitting down on a chair across from Kate.

"I wish I could remember more about them. I can't even say if I feel like her," Kate whispered.

"I have always found you to be much more like your father, even now. You have a natural empathy and ability to understand and connect with other people. You have just closed off your heart to others because of the things you have experienced and gone through, things neither of your parents had to ever endure,"  Camille said.

Kate just nodded, not really sure what else to say.

"Shortly before your mother died, Kate, she was afraid something might happen. She and your father had heard word about renewed rebel activity, and she decided, in case something were to happen to them, to leave you these in the case of your taking the throne, and she asked me to give these to you when the time is right. It gives me so much  hope because it shows that she was confident you would survive and be the one to restore Illéa."

Kate hesitantly took the small box and envelope from Camille's hand. She decided to open the letter first. It was written on heavy stationary paper in elegant cursive. 

My darling Kerttu,

If you are reading this now, it means that your father and I are gone. However, to begin, I want you to know that we are never truly gone, and our great love for you will endure forever. We will always be with you in your heart, all you need to do is search it to find us to give you strength.

Sweetheart, your compassion, empathy, courage, boundless energy, and big heart are just a few of the amazing things we love about you, and they are also qualities that make me so certain you are going to be such a blessing to Illéa as Queen. When you are old enough to understand, I hope to tell you of the events that led to my becoming Queen. I was closed off from the world and cold, too focused on myself, all very bad qualities for a good monarch. Your father somehow saw the light and goodness in me, even when I was unable to see it in myself. I hope someday you find someone who makes you feel as seen and understood as your father makes me feel. I could not have been Queen without him by my side. 

You are the next in line to the throne of a great nation. However, it is also a nation with a dark past and history. My mother and her family were subjugated to the oppression and injustice of the caste system, and it was only after your grandfather lifted the castes that our nation began to move closer to all citizens having the same equality. We are still working to find that for all, but I know without a doubt that, once you take the throne, you will see it gone. I love you so much, my Kerttu, I wish I could describe to you how much, but I hope I can at least describe to you how certain I am of the amazing Queen you will be. You are strong but kind, courageous but understanding, lively and full of energy but thoughtful and contemplative. I could not have asked for a better daughter or person to entrust the future of our great country to, and I will always be right by your side, every step of the way.

I am leaving this letter and the family signet ring my father gave me when I came to the throne. I gave it to your father as a way to show my love for him, but we decided together we wanted to leave it for you to have as you take this next step in your life, as a sign and symbol of our unending love for and faith in you.

Love,

Mother

Tears were spilling out of Kate's eyes as she soaked in the words of her mother. So many memories flooded into her mind as though a great damn somewhere in the recesses of her memory had finally been destroyed. She easily could remember the embrace of her mother now, her perfume, her voice. She could hear her mother speaking the words of the letter as though she was there standing beside her. She could remember her mother calling her "Kerttu." She had forgotten and wanted to deny for so long that she was Kerttu, to hide that part of her identity and past away because it hurt too much to think about.

Kate turned her attention to the jewelry box and carefully opened it to reveal a beautiful gold signet ring with the emblem of Illéa. She held it up to the light from the window, finally seeing what had been destined to discover since the moment she left the youth group home.