October 9th, 2012
My heart has been torn away from me. The days that follow do not exist. I turn into a machine. An emotionless robot. I am not going to ever feel again. I don't want to!
I didn't want to deal with cremating my baby girl! Didn't want to deal with anyone. I just don't want to! This is not real. I am not awake. But, yet I know that I am awake. because I haven't slept in days. I have to force myself to eat. When I do, I throw up.
I want to hide. How? Why? Am I that bad of a person? I don't feel like a real women. I want my baby! I want my babies! Mommy wants you back!
I don't get it! What did I do wrong? Did I move wrong? Sit Wrong? Eat Something wrong?
I must not be meant to have earthly children!
This makes no sense to me!
