Getting off work at 7 a.m. ( I work the Graveyard shift). I don't feel good at shortly I begin gushing blood. Another cyst must have burst. This is nothing knew. oh, well. Off to the hospital. I really hope it's not a big one this time. I can't miss any more work. It's painful but, I have learned to live with it. Through it feels different this time. I start freaking, really getting scared. Last time she told me my ovary might burst if I'm not careful. I start crying. They poke me, prod me, take urine and blood, ultrasound. Same old routine. Still I am starting to get hysterical. I want to know whats going on.
Doctor comes in "Well, you were pregnant." WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no response. This has to be a nightmare. A horrible cruel joke my mind is playing. All I can choke out is "You have got to be kidding me. Through the tears and the few times throwing up the doctor explains. Explains that I was carrying, that I baby "passed"... I am horrified. This is not happening. Again.
I am sent home to finish "passing". And am supposed to follow up with the office OB. I bleed for a little bit. Then the blood stops. I just think "It's over now." I was too hateful, too angry to go back to the OB officce. For 8 Weeks I was so irritable, so cranky, so hurt. I wanted my baby.
I knew that it was important for me to name my little one.
My precious baby boy Junior J.W. Flew to Heaven. June 15th, 2012.
MOMMY LOVES YOU!
Baby Junior J.W. White
Angelversary - June 15th, 2012
Montrose, Colorado
P.S. I have had a few questions about the naming. (How did I decide that my baby was a girl or a boy?) I just knew. Or from my heart decided that my little one was part of me and that it didn't matter but, I feel that part of the grieving process for me is to name my little angels. Whether I was pregnant 6 weeks or 21 weeks.
