I AM NOT OK.
October 24th, 2012
I am still not ok. I won't be "ok" for a while. Each day is a struggle. I've been off work since I delievered my Breeaunah. I am supposed to go back on the 1st of November. Perhaps that will give me something to focus on. My heart is empty. It is going to take a long time. Honestly, I can barely breathe. One breathe at a time is all I can expect out of myself. My heart is so torn.
I find some comfort in some music and actually talking about my Breeaunah and all my angel babies.
I know that with time and Jesus the pain will ease but, never go away. It is still so hard to keep the faith. It is.
I am just not ok. I am so weary of answering the question... Are you ok? Only a small portion of those who ask really want to know anyway. If you tell them "Well, I am not ok. Don't ask me again. I just lost my baby. How would you feel? would you be ok?" On the other hand if you tell them "I am fine." Or "good" they expect that you are "over it" or never really cared. It drives me insane.
I am not ok. That is all I have to say. Not Ok, Alright. I am not ok.
