Doctor Mahal Co ♥️

I Want You

"Paulo."

"Hmmm?'

"Okay lang ba... if ako na ang sasagot sa dinner natin. Ako naman ang taya, laging ikaw eh."

Nagtilt ang ulo nya sa kanan tapos ngumiti sya sakin ng napakalapad na parang bata.

"Pwede dessert?"

"Hala ang cuuuute!!!" at hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko na masabi ang bagay na yun.

Tinamaan ka na Gianna! Nadulas! Hay nakoooo!!!

"Para sayo lang 'to." at pumikit pikit pa sya na nagpacute.

"Oo na, cute ka na nga."

Naubos ang oras namin sa pagkain sa paguusap. Nakakatuwa lang din kasi open na kami kahit papaano sa isa't-isa. Nakakapagrant na din kami at nakakapagkwento ng mga medyo seryosong mga bagay bagay sa buhay namin. Siguro nga ganito na din talaga dahil pinapasok ko na din si Paulo sa buhay ko.

Honestly, 6 months ago, nanggaling ako sa heartbreak.

I fell in love with a friend. For almost 2 years akala ko may patutunguhan kami. He knows my whole life. My strengths, weaknesses, and he knows me very well. He knows how to operate my buttons. In short, almost mag-asawa kung magturingan kahit wala naman kaming label.

Things came to an end nung nagkanda leche leche na sa part ko.

In short, para sakanya, I'm just one of his stand-in. Ginamit nya akong panakip butas for the past 2 years. Ibinalik nya sakin lahat ng ginawa ko para sakanya at pinalabas na ako lang ang may kasalanan. In short, what I felt that time is para akong pinagtripan. Pakiramdam ko pinagtatawanan ako noon ng buong mundo sa kagagahan na ginawa ko.

I got depressed that time. Diahnosed with Clinical Depression. Nakwestyon ko buong pagkatao ko sa ginawa nya. I doubted myself if I was enough. I questioned my capability to love and it killed me for a moment. I crumbled down with his words. Nanliit ang tingin ko sa sarili. Pinabayaan ko ang sarili ko na masira just because he made me feel that I wasn't enough, that I'm not that important, that nobody valued me. My whole life just literally stopped, parang nag-auto shutdown ako.

I was devastated and depressed that I had to take medicines for 2 months. I need to constantly see my therapist just to get out of that darkness. And just recently, kakabawi ko lang sa sarili ko. I'm starting to see the colors back into my life. Unti unti ko nang naibabalik yung saya at peace of mind na kinuha nya sakin.

It was not an easy 2 months of my life. It felt hell. Then one day, someone talked to me, and everything was enlightened. I was enlightened.

Ngayon, I'm genuinely happy for myself for making it through, at ayoko nang maramdaman ulit yung sakit na ipinaramdam sakin. Now that I know my worth, I'll never allow anyone anymore na kwestyunin pa kung ano ang kakayahan ko. And I hope Paulo will understand where I am coming from, kasi mahirap bawiin ang sarili sa lungkot dahil sa sakit. That's why right now, I'm very cautious about everything.

----

As usual, we got lost in time sa mga pinagkwentuhan namin. It was no longer medical related conversation, more on opening-up-my-life conversation na kami tonight.

He shared his family background, his background... and I also did the same thing.

Napansin ko, I'm starting to open up again, to trust again kahit papano, but this time, I'm having extra caution about it. Ino-open ko lang kay Paulo yung General about me. Maybe deeper secrets and darker information kapag I can fully trusted him at napatunayan ko na sa sarili ko yung sincerity and genuiness nya sakin.