My Pathetic Life

February 10, 2020

Monday
8:00 am
I fell asleep at midnight last night. Love that 6 hours of sleep. I probably would have slept earlier had there not have been a BUG in my room. I saw it and then it was gone which sent my irrational fear of bugs into overdrive.

I ended up reading a random book in my room, which was pretty good, and I would have finished it but I got so tired the words started to blur. I was almost late to the bus because my alarm went off at 6:30 am and I closed my eyes for a second, expecting it to be 6:35 or something, but nope it was fucking 7:12 and I have to leave at 7:45.

Well anyway, my leg hurts from running with my backpack and a guitar. That's fun. My finger still hurts from yesterday. I'm writing this on the bus and we're already at the school meaning I'm going to have to step out into the freezing cold weather soon. It rained last night so everything is soaked. Let's just hope something interesting happens so I can write it down.

Also, side note, my hair looks like shit because I had a minute to comb it and the humidity makes it curl. I don't even straighten my naturally straight hair and it curls for some fucking reason. What's new, my outfit is shit as well, I always look like shit so get used to it. And its sprinkling. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Period 1 & 2
     History. We are presenting projects today. I'm anxious. I'm seated in the front of the room (not my choice) and I feel like everyone's eyes are on me. Someone presents their project about 9/11. It takes the whole class period, thankfully. No one else gets to go that day. The one time I'm grateful some people are idiots.

     The assessment her group made was stupid. "Do you agree with what the hijackers did?" Well obviously not, we aren't psychopaths. I need to make myself more presentable for tomorrow when we might present. I used to be an amazing public speaker. I won awards. What happened? When I speak my throat goes dry and I can barely get a word out (I'm not even joking, I psychically can't speak). I don't even feel that anxious, my body acts on its own accord. My face heats up and my eye twitches. Stupid.

Period 3
     Health. Nothing interesting happens. We talk about feelings and how to communicate them. Gross.

Period 4
     Science. We are learning about the geological time something or the other. My partner isn't that bad, thank god. We get some work done. Our science teacher informs us we have Monday off for President's Day. Big whoop.

     "I'm surprised they haven't canceled it because we don't have a president." The class is confused before a few people understand. The class laughs. The science teacher says not to tell anyone or she might lose her job for trash-talking the president. She's joking, of course.

Lunch
     Thank god. I'm starving. I walk into the library and flash the librarian my pass I picked up this morning. Thank-you, library. I hate the cafeteria. So many people! Bumbling, annoying, loud, idiotic people who can't behave. Crammed next to each other. Anxiety inducing. Disgusting. If you didn't know, I am 73% germaphobe so no thank you. I sit in my usual spot. Alone.

     I always eat alone. I prefer it. Well, at least that's what I tell myself. There's no germs or conversations to worry about. Relaxation. I open my salad and start to eat. I get anxious when no one else arrives. Is it not lunch? Are they somewhere else? Are we supposed to be sitting somewhere else? What if-

     As if on cue, the normal group of boys comes in. Phew. Their loud chatter has never brought me relief before. They sit down. We all start to eat until one guy gets up and walks toward me. Shit shit shit, don't sit down here. Don't pity me and try to talk to me like they do in the cafeteria when I sit alone. Thankfully, he shifts past my table.