My Pathetic Life

February 18, 2020

Tuesday
7:30 am
I ended up falling asleep at midnight, and I wasn't even that tired. I just kinda got bored with my book. Now, don't get me wrong, it's good, it's just not a read-in-one-sitting type of book. It's kinda repetitive, but I still want to finish it.

I'm surprisingly not that tired today. And it's not that cold today. Yet I'm still not in a good mood. I'm just... existing. Oh well. I'm going to read on the bus.

Period 1&2
     History. More boring presentations. I talk with my friend, the one I saw on Saturday? She seems to be warming up to me. I'm scared I'll ruin it. I'm rusty when it comes to relationships.
     We get progress reports. My science teacher wrote Student working hard and Work is outstanding. I remember when she asked me if I was ok and decide she's just trying to... cheer me up or something? Whatever.

Period 3
     Health. I come and sit down. Suddenly, my ears feel like they're full of water and I hear a sharp ringing, louder than I've heard before. I put my hands over my ears which usually makes it stop but I can still hear it. Someone asks me if I'm ok and I say I'm fine. It finally stops.
     I find myself enjoying health. I don't have to be so anxious because I'm surrounded by people a grade lower than me (no I'm not stupid it was one of the only health classes left since I had to join in the middle of the semester). The teacher is laid back and some-what funny.

Period 4
      Science. I quickly change personalities. I'm now the quiet, don't-talk-to-me, straightforward person. The people in this class annoy me. The teacher orders people to hand out papers. Again, this class is like elementary school. An annoying bitch gives me mine, knowing I'm one of the smartest in the class and announces "39/40! Wow!" very sarcastically. Unfortunately, I'm too lost in my head to realize what happened until after a few seconds and she already left before I can snap something at her.
     The guy in front of me finds out he's my partner and announces it loudly. He raises his hand to give me a high five but I just stare at it. I am not touching his hand. A few people around me laugh and he puts his hand down, going back to look at his papers.

Lunch
     A lot of people are missing. I pull up a book on my phone and discreetly read while eating. Nothing interesting happens.

Period 5
     Math. I realize I still haven't done my notes. Oh well. I got 47/50 on my test. Not bad. Technically I got them all right, it's just one I flipped the x and y values in a coordinate and the other I rounded down instead of up so I got 235 when it was supposed to be 236. Still, not bad. Our teacher uses OCD to describe perfectionism, and I get angry. Please, guys, don't do that, it's a serious mental illness, not just a "this line has to be straight it's giving me OCD."
     She gives us 18 problems for homework. My friend complains that the one day our teacher gives us homework she has a concert. I feel bad for her. Luckily she's more functional than me, including showering every day so hopefully, she won't have a problem procrastinating.

Period 6
     Guitar. I walk in and our teacher announces that admin wants us to do a writing assignment. So I lugged my guitar to school for nothing today. Great. She said it's just for a participation grade so no one tries. I do well though. I read for the rest of the period.

Period 7
     English. Two people at my table are absent. The teacher says to finish the work that I did as homework so luckily I don't have to do it. I work on another thing instead. The teacher sent me to the library on an errand. She recommended me some Stephen King books.

3:05 pm
     There's this twisting feeling in my stomach. Like, you know when you are so hungry you get hunger pains? It's like that but I'm not hungry. My head has fogged up again.
The walk home seems longer than usual and I'm out of breath when I reach the house. The house smells like fish. My dad asks if I want to go to my cousin's house after homework and I agree so there are no questions asked if I say no.
My cousin calls me and asks if I want to go to this cafe to do homework with her instead of going to her house. I agree and get ready. I actually put effort into my clothes and mouthwash as well. Amazing, right?
She picks me up and my stomach drops as I see the window. There's... quite a few people. Luckily when we go in its mainly adults and no teenagers. We sit down and my cousin says I can go order and she'll watch our stuff. This is going to make me sound 8 years old but my heart stopped at the thought of ordering alone. What is wrong with me? I've never been here before, how does it work? I just agree and quickly make my way upfront.
I pretend to look at the menu while my mind runs. I wait for someone to order to see how it's done. I decide to get a Cappuccino because I've never had one before and I like coffee. Finally, it's my turn and I walk up.
Register-person: "Hey, what do you want?"
Me: "Uhm- A cappa-cappuccino please." I curse myself for stuttering. I was trying to figure out if I was pronouncing it right, ok! The dude looks bored but nice and I really shouldn't be freaking out this much.
Register-person: "Alright, what size?"
Me: "The smallest." When in doubt, go small. Then I remember I don't have my money out and frantically grab the first thing I see which is a 10 dollar. It's like $4 something. I hand him the money and he says he'll bring it to me. I practically sprint towards the table. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm too old for this anxious shit. My cousin calls me out on it and I just awkwardly chuckle. She leaves to go order and comes back with a juice-tea thing.
I do my homework but I don't get much done because I'm having a conversation and I can't multi-task with all these anxious thoughts clouding my head. I fidget with my hands and practically chew my lip off.
The cappuccino was good, I attached a picture, and we end up leaving at 7:30 pm. We pick up my sister blah blah blah and we are home. I start to feel jittery, my mind whirling. Caffeine has never really had an effect on me, so why now? It takes me an hour to finish my homework and I'm still feeling the effects of the caffeine. Oh well, I wasn't planning on sleeping anyway.

9:00 pm
Well, I have to go now. See you tomorrow. Ciao.

Current Grades
History
104.3%  A+
Health
100%  A+
Science
108.8%. A+
Math
95.7%. A
Guitar
98.8% A+
English
97.6% A+