My Pathetic Life

February 28, 2020

Friday
8:00 pm
    Thank fuck is Friday. Enjoy this amazing photo of Oliver I took. I woke up, as usual, feeling like shit. Surprised? I came downstairs after forever and had an egg. I put the packaged cookies in a plastic bag and set off to the bus.

It was awkward to get on and off the bus with a backpack, my guitar, and a bag of cookies but I managed. Luckily nothing got crushed. I got to the school and approached my friend and her friend who I suppose is my friend now. There was another person I did not know which made me feel very awkward so I got it over with quickly. They said their thankyous and I retreated.

Period 1&2
History. I stored the rest of the cookies in my locker and went to class. My friend asked if she could use my locked next week and I said sure. We watch a video on Caesar Chavez and the farmers in California. I give my teacher a pack of cookies. A teacher brings him a donut which he gives to a student.

Period 3
Health. We finish the alcohol stations. I'm to read stories on people affected by drunk driving. It's sad. I wish I could take everyone's problems as my own.

Period 4
    Science. We end up taking notes on molecules. I'm starving. I brought curry for lunch and I'm really looking forward to it. The period takes forever to end.

Lunch
     Shit. The library is closed. To the bathroom I go. I was going to do my math homework as well... Whatever. I slip into a lower grade's bathroom and lock myself in a stall. I'm about to start playing some youtube when I get a text. My friend says they are in the cafeteria if I want to join.

      Wow. I must be dreaming. I try and think of some reason why they would want me there. Maybe it's because I gave them cookies. Probably. No one actually wants me around. I reply with "I'll be there in a minute, thanks." Is it too casual? What if they ask where I was? I'll say I was asking a teacher something.

    I come out of the stall and check myself in the mirror. I look like shit but nothing I can do about it now. I walk out feeling increasingly anxious. It's just the cafeteria. It's just a room filled with a ton of people... who definitely aren't studying my every move... and definitely won't talk to me. I bite my lip and it stings.

     I walk in, my stomach feeling like a hurricane. Outwardly, I am completely calm. My eyes scan the cafeteria panic rising in me as I can't see any familiar faces. It's as if I can feel everyone's nonexistent stares no matter what the rational part of me says. I finally find them and sit down next to my friend and her friend exclaims "They're here!" They are eating my cookies and are quick to compliment them. I chuckle awkwardly, honestly hating every minute of being in the cafeteria.

     I don't want to eat. I feel so fat. Everyone is staring. No, they aren't. That's a stupid thought. Everyone is going to watch you eat and think about how much if a fatass you are. I pull out a bag of chips. I eat some but my stomach feels sick. They're thinking about me. Insulting me. I can feel it. I only eat a few before putting them away and pulling out a thermos of curry. I feel so stupid. Childish.

     I open it and my friend remarks that it smells really good. I grin and start to eat it, quickly. I pull out sliced bell peppers and give one to my friend and my other friend's silent friend. She's not mute or anything I just don't hear her talk much. I miraculously finish my food and then they vote to go outside so I follow. Me and my friend split off from the group and end up talking. Wow. All this social interaction is exhausting.

Period 5
     Math. We get the whole class period to do the vague homework. Sweet. I work hard but I don't finish. God, I'm useless. Luckily she lets us finish it over the weekend. Some kid uses autistic as an insult and I snap at him. He says it's not an insult just a fact. I glare at him and he uses retard instead. I go to my locker and grab the cookies.

Period 6
     Guitar. I walk through the halls to guitar class feeling myself spiral downwards. Suddenly everyone's perfection stands out like a bright light. Everyone is so thin. I feel so self-conscious that I wish I would melt into the wall. Luckily, people like me are good at turning invisible. People don't see us unless they want to. I blend into the gray lockers, becoming just another person, nobody important. Even people I know don't see me. People like me aren't meant to be seen or heard.

     I arrive at guitar class and get out my things. The two guys next to me sit down and I ask if they want cookies. They reply with a hell yes so I toss them the tied packages. I get out my guitar and start to practice that day's lesson. The dude next to me looks like he's struggling with something in his pocket when finally he pulls out the package of cookies, trying to open it. I smirk, knowing I double tied them.

Me: "Having trouble?"
Him: "Nope, not at all."
Me: "Why don't you use scissors or something?"
Him: "About that..."

     Eventually, he gets them open and hands one to his friend. Then he stuffs them in his pocket and begins to eat them piece by piece. I practice my song and advise him to do the same but he says it's too difficult or some shit. He gets a 68 percent on the test. I get a 97 because it was "rushed" even though I didn't make any mistakes. Whatever.

     I ask the people next to me if the cookies were good and they reply with "great, really good." One guy said "You outdid yourself" and honestly I thought he was joking because it was such a sappy thing to say but he went on eating so guess not.

Period 7
     English. I have some grapes leftover from lunch so I pull those out. Apparently, all we are doing is reading today, thank god. I pull out my book and prepare to do nothing. I do pull out a paper we need to fill out about the book so I can do that as we go but it's an easy class period to end the day on.

    I have a ton of English homework because I haven't started my project and it's due on the 16th of March. Ugh.

3:05 pm
     First on the bus. I get out of the bus and immediately spot my parent's car coming down the road. I walk over to it and get in. Where are we going now?

Dad: "You like pizza?"
Me: "Yes." Are we going for pizza? I'm down.
Dad: "Ok, well we're going to the park."

     He laughs and my mood drops. The park? I'm tired, I want to go home and sleep. I groan, wanting anything but this. We arrive at the stupid, empty park and I decide to follow Ryan around. It wasn't the worst thing in the world but it was still exhausting. Finally, we go home. My mom is making tacos apparently so whoop.

     We get home and I crash on the couch. Eventually, dinner is ready and I make the perfect taco. Ready to learn the secrets of life?

    Alright. So, first, soft tortilla, heated so it's warm but not crispy. Then a little bit of sour cream but not too much. Next, taco meat and a shit ton of lime. Put on some Tabasco green sauce and this cheese I don't know the name of and then (wait or it)... guacamole. But not that mushy stuff you get at the store. My mom makes hella good guacamole which is chopped avocado (instead of mashed) with onion, parsley, tomato, and some other stuff. Delicious.

    I finish the tacos and then I basically do nothing the rest of the day. What, I'm lazy by nature. I end up falling asleep at like ten. Well, until tomorrow. Stay safe. Ciao.

Current Grades
History
103.5% A+
Health
100%  A+
Science
108.3%. A+
Math
95.7%. A
Guitar
97.6% A+
English
97.6% A+