My Pathetic Life

March 5, 2020

Thursday
7:30 am
      I woke up extremely tired, as usual. I slept at around 9:30 am last night. As soon as I opened my eyes, I felt like I couldn't do it. I could hardly remember what day it was and I honestly could care less about school so I just closed my eyes again. I opened my eyes and it was 7:10. I felt no panic, as usual, I really could not care about school.

     I walked to the bus stop listening to music. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast. My eyes stung with exhaustion. The bus ride was uneventful. Soon enough I was at school. I still had my music in and kept my head down. Eventually, the bell rang and I saw my friend's friend come alone. Oh no, is she absent?

Period 1&2
     History. My friend is definitely absent and/or/hopefully late. She isn't here sadly. We work on our game. We basically finished it. I find out there is a dance during school tomorrow. It's for people who haven't gotten in trouble but of course, we have to pay' greedy ass school. Three bucks a ticket or you can pay two bucks to watch Wizard of Oz or you can go do a free activity with your advisory team. If you have gotten in trouble you get to do detention work. Hah.

     A ton of people aren't showing up tomorrow, not surprisingly. Classes are only 30-40 minutes. It sucks we only get to wear polos because of the school's stupid dress code. I'm going to bring my bowtie.

Period 3
     Health. My friend is still missing. She's probably sick. Hopefully nothing too bad. We are assigned to make an anti-tobacco add. Easy, I can probably get it done in another class. Tomorrow we are going to take a quiz and watch a documentary on smoking. I'm looking forward to watching it.

Period 4
     Science. Everyone gets 15 minutes to correct their tests. Luckily, I got a hundred so I finish my health homework. Then we do some work learning about chemical bonds. We get a good amount done.

    A hear an argument start at the end of class and join in. It's about abortion. Ugh. I immediately jump in because this idiot pro-life guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Honestly, it should be the mother's choice! Who gave you the right! The teacher broke it up and then the bell rang.

Lunch
     I walk inside the library, surprised to see the  Bookfair stuff set up. The tables have moved to the other side of the library. Unfortunately, the library will be closed for lunch all next week. Luckily, next week is only three days because of conferences. Still. The cafeteria for three days. Ugh.

     My friend's friend walks in. My friend is definitely absent. My friend's friend comes in with her friend. I sit down and they sit down next to me. A guy who reminds me of GoHerping sits next to me, only talking to us when addressed. I eat salad, peppers, and this other thing. As usual, I feel that crushing anxiety about eating in front of people.

     A group of boys come in and start cleaning. I wonder if they are in trouble or something. They start messing around and the librarian snaps at them. She says "Don't make me kick you out again!" They talk to us a bit. My friend's friend and I get into a discussion about politics.

Period 5
     Math. We finish our assessments. It wasn't too bad luckily. Our teacher isn't going to be here tomorrow because she is attending a funeral. I talk with the people in front of me. That dude who was in my dream. Still sounds creepy af but whatever. They're nice. Our homework is to take notes on this section and do the problems that come with it. Ugh.

     As I'm walking to my class, I'm next to those guys who sit in front of me. Again, I feel that crushing self-hate. They are tall, skinny, happy, everything I'm not. I feel such a strong sense of self-hate that I can barely breathe. Here's how I described it on an anonymous vent site:

     Do you ever feel such a crushing sense of self-hate that you can hardly breathe? Like suddenly everything horrible about yourself stands out and you become hyper-aware of everyone else perfections. You feel such an overwhelming sense of embarrassment and think how could I ever walk out in public when I look like this? You just want to cut all your skin off and just die.

Period 6
     Guitar. I lend the guy next to me a pick. The teacher gets up and doesn't really give directions on what to do so I just work on what I did yesterday. She says she's not going to be here tomorrow because of a field trip and I want to jump with joy until she remembers the changed schedule and says that she is actually going to be here. Fuck, way to get our hopes up.

     The dude next to me uses his guitar as a mirror and holds it for another guy while he styles his hair is crazy ways. Then they all break out in laughter. Education 100.

Period 7
     English. Today we are just finishing the movie. Luckily the rest of the movie isn't as triggering, except for the closet scene. Basically, the guy traps her and they fight and she grabs glass and holds it to his neck. The screens pretty dark so you can't see much but you get what's happening.

3:05 pm
     First on the bus as usual. Boring bus ride. I walk up our street and go inside. I forgot my dad asked me to come through the garage but whatever. They are outside building a birdhouse. I'm hungry so I eat a cheese stick and text my friend who lives in Michigan. He's moving houses. I text my absent friend what we did today and the math homework. What, I'm trying to be a good friend ok?

     I almost forgot piano was soon and frantically finished up the rest of my work. Eventually, we were on our way. I did pretty well with my lesson.

     We went home and ate spaghetti. Then we sat down and watched Malcolm in The Middle for a while. Then we had to go to sleep. I'm going to do my homework now. Until tomorrow. Stay safe. Ciao.

Current Grades
History
103.3% A+
Health
100%  A+
Science
110.4%. A+
Math
95.7%. A
Guitar
97.6% A+
English
97.6% A+