Fear will not stop me

Rehad

Stef POV

I look around the room at the small group of people. I've been here for 6 weeks and still I feel like its been a year. Rehab. Never thought I would be here. having to talk to a therapist twice a day. Well, Its not as if I'm trapped. I could leave at anytime, that is if I didn't want my old life back. This is bullshit but necessary, very necessary. Mike has been fired for the stunt he pulled. Turns out he lied on his application for captain. There's a new lady in charge that I heard she goes by the name Captain Roberts. Me on the other hand haven't met her yet but at this point I don't trust anybody, not even myself. I still haven't had a break through in therapy yet, Well at least that what they told me. Ive never been to prison but this sure feels like it. Its not your typical rehab center but a rehab center for undercover cops after they have finished their assignments. Most of the cop here were only in a couple of months, a lot less time then I was in. I did get to see my mother though since she moved back from Florida for awhile, for me.

"Ok, Who want to start." We all look around the room at each other. I'm the only female here.

"Why don't we let Stef talk. She the only one that hasn't open her month since she been here."

I look him in the eye without saying a word.

"John, Cool it. Stef will talk when she is ready to talk." says the therapist.

She looks at me with kind eyes. She the one that know almost everything about. I only one that I would consider talking to.

The meeting continues without me saying a word. After Group I stand and walk to my room. and start my same routine that I do everyday after group, the only thing that keeps me sane, I grab my cigarettes and my blade and head outside to my favorite spot. I get to the tree and sit, laying with my back against it, as I light my cigarette. I never did drugs before this and couldn't do any while I was in here. Pills. That was my drug of choice. Mostly Xanax but ive also dabble with Vicodin. So in my mind at this time a cigarette was the lesser of the evils. I take a long drag of the cig and blow out exhaling when Lena comes into my mind. I had forgotten about her, To save me, to save her. I wonder how she was doing. I missed her beautiful smile, her voice, and the way she made me feel just the little time that we spent together.

"So how long do you think you can keep your month shut and still get out of here Foster." says John. bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Well I guess you are just going to have to find out." I say in my smug voice.

He looks away and then stares me in the eye.

"Well I might not be here to see that." he says

I turn my head fast and look at him with the goofiest look on my face. I smile.

"Did they give you a discharge date?" I ask.

He sticks his hands in his pocket and shakes his head up and down. I jump up and run to him opened arms and hug him.

"I'm so Glad for you." I say.

"Thanks Stef. I'm glad too. But I would be even happier if it was you getting out with me."

"I know but my time will come, you know that, Im just....Im just not there yet."

"I can understand that Stef, but you have to try harder. You have a great accomplishment behind your name. Something you should be proud of. I mean bringing down one of the biggest Kinpin..

I hold out my hand to stop him from continuing his sentence. I wasn't ready.

"Sorry Stef, I know its still hard to talk about it." he says with sadden eyes. "I just want you to be happy. I wish that I could help you get out of here."

"Like I said John I will at the right time." and we both knew that now wasn't the right time.

"Well when are you getting out?" I ask

"In three days." He says with a smile.

"Wow that's great John.

"Thanks Steff."

We stand silent for awhile listening to the wind blow.

"Look. why don't we head to the Rec?"

I look at him and smile.

"Are you sure. I didn't go well for you the last time we went?"

"Whatever Foster. Get your ass up and come show me then."

"Ok Clover. If you think your name brings you luck, you can forget it." I say, getting up laughing and slightly pushing John.

The Rec was the only other thing keeping me sane behind these walls. I place where I felt normal. A place where I didn't have to talk about my feelings but could also take out my frustrations.

I walk into the Rec after changing and put my bag down.

"Hey Foster, We aint getting any younger. I mean you can always turn back."

"In your dreams Clover, Pass the ball and get ready for this ass kicking."

Everyone laughs and we start the pick up game as all of my problems fade into the background.

Sorry for the long wait. hope you enjoy. working on the next chapter now