Fear will not stop me

Bar none

Stef POV
Another night I lay in bed thinking about the choices I made! Why did it come to this? Having to decide between my heart and what others might think! I'm really tired of sneaking around my family, hiding my true feelings! Or course, my entire life, I've been with men! Only sleeping with about four of five in my lifetime. They never did anything for me. Most of the time I had to get drunk to even endure the horrible sex that came with them.  What is wrong with me? Is there ever going to be a time when I'll enjoy sex. It has to be more to it, for people to always want it. Sarah always talks about sex and how much see enjoys it. Well, the difference, I guess is that she is gay, and has been since we graduated college. She is my best friend since... well since i was old enough to remember. I never had any flings in high school or college, especial with my upbringing. But she was totally different, and so was our Parents. Since college, she is always dragging me along to Gay Bars or Parties. And Tonight was no different. This party was the last thing I wanted to go to! As usual.  Go out and torture myself again with a group of friends that we're out and proud dragging me alone with them to a gay bar! I've always wonder if when Sarah decided that she was coming out of the closet. Wonder why we never talked about the incident in the Showers.

Flashback

Sarah and I was fortune to get on the swim team at the same College. We trained together every day from middle to high school because we were inseparable. We both on the swim team at UCLA! While taking a shower, me and her the last ones in the locker room! Obviously the cliche term of dropping the soap never accrued to me that it could also happen outside of our wonderful prison system! Her asking me to wash her back  didn't surprised me because we did it all the time! I grab the soap and begin to lather it on the washcloth. Slowing putting the cloth to her skin. "Ahhh a little lower Stef," she said as I went a little lower! Shes never did that before. That moan. It made me feel a little different. "Right there, can you massage there? I'm a little sore from that long ass practice we had today!". I found myself drifting closer to her as I massage her back gently, looking at her neck! Wow, what is happening to me! She is a girl Stef, and your best friend, get it together! She turns around with a smirk on her face! "You ok Stef?" She looks in my eyes then the smirk on her face starts to disappear as her eyes travels lower to my chest, being that I am naked...... "hey is anyone in her?" That must be the janitor, Sarah said! "Yeah, we are finishing up, be out in a second, I heard her say!  Pulling me out of my trans but I stood frozen not really knowing what to say or do! I soon see that she was starting to freak herself out along with me, as she hurries to wrap the towel around her, turns and leaves me standing there with my heart beating faster than usual. So, I just wrapped my towel around me and wait till I hear the door close after she leave for, I don't know what the fuck just happen.

Present
Stef POV
Till this Day, we still haven't talked about what happen in the shower. The next time we saw each other we both avoided the conversation. A couples of weeks after that she was dating some random chic from our math class. Things didn't really change; she wasn't one of those friends that disappears once they start dating. She just started dragging me along with her. Everywhere.

"Guys, really I don't feel up to it! I have work in the morning, and I need to get my rest especially after the recent shooting at Anchor Beach." I say.

"Relax we have work tomorrow also! And nobody died from that shooting anyway! Just some idiot substitute teacher!" Sarah responds with the same pitiful face that I can never seem to say no to.

"Fine I'll meet you guys there!" I reluctantly say. I don't know why I keep putting myself through this. I keep saying it will be easy to say no once I get a man, for which I know he would never want to go to a gay bar and hang out with my friends. but who am I kidding, I don't every have anybody interested in me as far as I know. The last person I had sex with was so long again I can't even put a year on it. And I don't ever want to think about Mike.