Letters To Us

The Twelfth Time I Wrote to You

Hey there,

Here I am again, writing. I got my answer today, and I guess you really don't care. I understand, I don't judge you. I wouldn't care about me either. I don't deserve that.

I have said sorry once, twice, more times than I can count, and I can't get tired of repeating this. I'm sorry for everything I did. I don't know what else to say, what else to do. Sometimes I think that maybe if I had done something differently, we'd still be together today, just maybe. But you've decided to move on, to be happy somewhere else, with somebody else. Maybe that's the best thing right now.

I don't understand. Why wouldn't you care? We grew up together, we've been through the best and through the worst. I find myself writing this and for the first time I really don't know what to say. I can feel the words inside my head but they're blurry, fuzzy. I guess I feel the same way about everything else. I wanna move on from him, from you, from every single thing. I can't take this anymore, I'm out. I can't take this pain and I can't carry this weight any longer.

For now, from you, I want distance. I'm not ready to be your friend, and the explanations you owe me must be adjourned, forever. I am now lifting this burden from your shoulders. I am releasing you from this and I will do my best to move on. You both owe me an explanation, you and her, but if you really cared about me like you said you did, you would have already spoken to me. I can't force you to do that, even if I wanted to, so I'm not gonna wait around for that to happen. But I must say that one day, if you ever come into my life again, I won't be as good to you as I once was, because it hurts. It hurts too much. However, I will not be able to erase you from my life completely. I still have feelings for you, and I miss you. I miss you so much.

And when it comes to him, I'm out too. I can't bear the weight of this passion I feel for him. He fills in the hole you left, but has now left another one, a much bigger one. I don't know what to do with him, and for my own sanity, I'm just gonna have to give up on this. I give up. This is too much for me.

Maybe one day we'll meet again. We'll see what happens, stay positive and hope for the best.

I miss you,

Mia