The Twenty-Sixth Time I Wrote to You

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Hi there,

Finally something's coming out of this brain. It's getting harder to keep all this pain locked up inside of me. I write, and write, and write, but I keep finding no solution, no salvation.

I don't know the reason why I still miss you. After all, you're only proved to be worthless, and nothing else. Because of you I stopped trusting even the best people, because I understand that we all have something that's not worthy. Just like with him, there's always something he does that makes me not trust him. He keeps going through my fucking phone. I'm pissed, so I'm sorry if nothing readable comes out of this pen. He says that I lie, but I don't, that's not true. I know my true intentions, so I know for sure I'm not lying, but he doesn't.

He thinks I don't have reasons not to trust him, but I do. I do because of everything that went on before. I know he talks to other people, other girls, and honestly I talk to other boys because I'm playing it safe, looking out for myself, making sure I don't give out my heart when I know its gonna get broken.

Yesterday a friend of his came to my house for the second time. I like her, she's nice. But then he told her we don't have anything, but then he gets upset because I talk to someone else. That's not how this shit works. Friends don't spend nights together, holding on to each other, friends don't keep one another's extra set of clothes just in case. Friends don't get jealous, and I don't fuck my friends.

I just feel hurt, and I feel like my heart isn't working anymore. I just deserve better. He might be what I want, but I think I deserve better.

I hope to bring better news tomorrow,

Mia

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