Letters To Us

Here We Go Again, to Him

Hi angel,
Here I am again. This isn't me saying goodbye. I won't do so, because saying goodbye makes my heart ache. I'll just say that I'll see you soon, in hopes I never see you again.
But of course, we all know that's not something I can swear by my heart. I can't resist you, and so I'll just stop denying you. I am officially turning the game against you. It's a dangerous one, I know, but I will do so in hopes you can hit your head and understand you can't always be evil, there's always someone more devilish around the corner to teach you some of the lessons you really need to learn.
I must admit I am worried about you, I noticed you haven't been so good as you used to be. You're getting in waters that are too deep, but I'm not going to warn you, or advise you to take the correct path. I'll just let you be, because as you said yourself, you literally don't care. But don't you? I think you do, to be honest. When I look at you, I see a scared little boy who cannot fathom the idea of not having a woman standing at your feet. Not for the sake of masculinity, but for the sake of yourself. You need someone to always be there, someone you have created a connection with, someone who could fill in the gaping emotional hole you have within the fading depths of your heart.
I am brave, you know? I am brave because I have been through worse, and it's not a little crush that will tear me down, but I will admit that the impact you have had on me has been nothing but enormous. Negatively, and a few times positively, I've been impressed by you more than ever. Don't worry, I know the only reason why you mumbled an apology out of your mouth was for the sake of sex, to make sure you still had me, but unfortunately you don't. I'm sorry to let you know, but the girl you helped breaking is not here anymore. I still have feelings for you, but for now I'll remain here, being brave as the days go by, getting the sole pleasure of physical contact with you, while at the same time knowing that it's not real, there are no strings, at least from your part, and there won't be anymore on my side. It will be hard, but I will make it, and you'll see how hard it is to live on with someone who doesn't care about you as much as they used to. You'll see me slowly dragging this thing we have for the only thing it was ever supposed to be. Just sex. If you want to call me, to tell me something that has happened to you, that's totally okay, just know I won't be the same as I used to, I'll just be there, present, without any other attachment other than my presence. Nothing else.
You lost the right to want anything else from me since the day you lied, the first day we met, online. That was your first lie, among the many others you have told in between. I'll never believe in anything you say, because you broke that trust, and I'm someone who only truly trusts once, I can't give off any more opportunities. I was just not wired like that. I'm sorry, but as I said before, these are the consequences of your actions.
I keep pushing, and pushing, just to see how further you are going to go. And to be honest, it will be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do, to stop caring, but that's what you deserve. That's the only way you are ever going to learn the one thing you should've caught on the first day we met. I am not like those other girls you are used to, I'm unique and special in ways you will never get to experience, and for that, I am sorry for you.
And again, as I said before, please do something, because your time is now officially running out, and this time I'll be gone for good.
I hope you can be better, because feeling doesn't make you weak, it makes you human, and that's all we could ever ask for in other people. I am human, because with you I felt every single thing, because if I hadn't, I would be suffocating to this day.
Please hurry.
Love,
Mia ❤️