letting go

ed sheeran

I wake up sweating with Tyler shaking me awake and the lamp in my room open. It's been a while since I've had dreams about that night.

''shh its fine just a dream it wasn't real its OK'' he said looking at me.

'it wasn't just a dream'' I shudder it was all too vivid too clear for me to handle.

I thought the image of my fathers face was fogged up in the deepest quarters of my brain but it was clear as day. The stubble the hazel eyes the crooked nose from getting into bar fights was all there.

'what was it then?'' he says pulling my hair back from my face.

'nothing just something'' I say knowing I'm making no sense what so ever.

''when I had bad dreams my mom would give me warm milk and sing to me'' he says.

'did it work'' I say finally calming down.

''well no it gave me a stomach ache in the morning but my moms singing did help most of the time'' he says smiling.

''well its not like you can sing so I might as well fall asleep '' I say laughing a little.

He looks at me wanting me to say something but he holds it back.

'' whats your favorite song''.

He can't be serious.

''the parting glass by Ed Sheeran. It'ss my favorite as of now'' I say looking at him as he smiles a little.

''mine too closest song to a bed time story''

'A man may drink and not be drunk

A man may fight and not be slain

A man may court a pretty girl

And perhaps be welcomed back again

But since it has so ought to be

By a time to rise and a time to fall

Come fill to me the parting glass

Good night and joy be with you all

Good night and joy be with you all''

he sang the last verse and sang it beautifully .I was surprised at how soothing his voice was and then I fell asleep with him holding me in his arms and him on my own bed with humming.

------

when I woke up he wasn't there it made me feel weird that he just left like that .I smelled bacon and eggs from the kitchen. It was Chris making breakfast for everyone and she looked terrified every time the oil crackled over the fire. I walk up behind her pushing her away from the stove so I can start cooking before she burns the place down. The boys came down puffy faces and unruly hair especially harry whose hair started growing at an abnormally fast rate.

Chris sat on the couch still looking pissed off from the events that happened last night .When I checked my phone this morning my mom called about six times leaving allot of messages. Tyler is still no where to be found and no one seems to notice his absence but me. We eat quietly until harry tries to make a joke.

'knock knock'' he says smiling.

''who's there'' I say knowing there's no point in refusing to go with this.

''nana'' he say holding back laughter.

''nana who'' liam responds rolling his eyes.

''nanna your business'' he says erupting in laughter.

Then Niall laughs and because Niall laughs really weird I laugh too then everyone starts laughing and harry looks so accomplished. When the laughter finally dies down Tyler comes stumbling back into the house and all attention is turned to him . He looks horrible his white shirt is torn and tattered and his hair is sticking up in the weirdest places his shoes are untied and he trips over them as he walks.

''where did you go'' liam says looking at him not moving from where he was.

''well I was with my brother....than We got into a fight and I went to this bar and I got drunk and stuff and I woke up in the bar and now I'M here'' he says blending his words together .

''you really need to stop drinking bro if you want to get somewhere in life'' harry says uncomfortably.

''you guys are always so mean to me... You look down on me and I just want to have fun'' he says walking over to the kitchen area.

He picks up the cooking pan and throws it against the wall and everyone starts screaming at him and he starts laughing.

''shut up everyone shut up'' I say screaming.they all look at me.

'Tyler pick up that shit right now or else we are kicking you out who the heck do you think you are pick up that shit right now and get that stupid look off your face'' I say looking straight at him.

He looks as if he just got scolded for laughing at something inappropriate and its annoying the heck out of me.everyone slowly walks out the room

'its OK Erika chill no harm done its not like I hit you with it'' he says all emotion wiped from his face.

I push him against the wall grab onto his shirt.

'what are you doing '' I say with a steely tone.

''I'm trying to get into your head its working''he says grinning.

''why ? why can't you leave me alone'' I say pleading.

''i like to see what makes people tick what enables a reaction and why.you're different you don't work like other people do you're full of love and hate but you haven't gone sour like the regular person would.you have been abused but you refuse to abuse people and I know its not because you don't want to hurt people like they hurt you.isn't it.its too good to be true there is something in you deep in there a evil that I can see its just as bad as me maybe even worse'' he says grabbing onto my arms.

'' I am not a science project I am who you see I wear my heart on my sleeve. I was abused but I didn't let it overwhelm me like whatever happened to you.I'm growing I am hurt but I am growing you on the other had are falling apart I deal with things in a way that doesn't require me drinking and killing myself is that so hard for you to understand'' I say clam.

''yes,yes it is'' he says leaning closer in to me.

''question '' he says resuming twenty questions we started about a week ago.

'that''

''do you really love zayn ? '' he says so close that we are breathing each others air.

''no'' I say simply .

I do not love zayn I simply cannot ever love him again after what happened but he Will always be the one I fell for not completely but still.

''i want to do so many things to you right now'' he says sliding his hands lower down my back.

whispering into my ear brushing his lips against my ears.he looks into my eyes and pushes me against the wall .I start squirming from all the unholy thoughts in my head.he pins my hands up against the wall and gently tugs onto my lips with his teeth.i finally catch my breath and collect myself.

''you smell like beer go take a shower'' I say pushing myself off the wall and walk away.

I hear him chuckle and I suppress a smile as I walk up to my room.