letting go

in the club going up

when i was walking up the stairs i felt someone grab my arm when i turned it was harry.

''what happened last night Eric,Chris has been in a bad mood and none of my jokes are helping her'' he says concerned.

''its-- our parents they...they're getting a divorce Chris is taking it harder than i thought'' i say struggling to accept the fact myself.

''yea i see that what can i do I'm kinda new at this boyfriend thing and well you know how complex Chris is'' he says smiling a little after saying boyfriend.

''well as her sister and best friend just don't push it OK,she will come around she's not so into talking about her feelings give her space but let her know that you re there if she needs someone'' i say and he nods taking it all in.

''and what about you how are you felling about this whole thing you don't seem to be that hurt'' he says looking down on me.

'' i don't know yet it takes time for me to know how i feel about things hazza don't worry about me'' i say ruffling his hair and walking away.

i walk into my room and lay on my bed .breath i think in and out,that's all i need to stay calm.my mother and father are getting a divorce breath in and out.i do not love zayn ,breath.my sister is probably imploding right now and i can't help ,breath. i sit up grab my phone from the nightstand and go through all the messages i have from my mother until i hear my fathers deep voice.

''look i know this hurts and i know this must be hard for you......its hard for me too OK I'm hurting just as much as you guys i didn't want to do this it was all your mothers idea and i support her with everything that she does and you should too.this is a time where your mom needs you the most and you can't shut her out not now,please just call her talk to her and Eric i love you i know how you are feeling right now because you and me are so alike your not feeling anything which scares you doesn't it but its not because you lost touch with us its simply because that is who you are its either you feel too much or simply nothing at all we love y-''

the message gets cut off and the monotone voice of the lady asking whether or not i want to delete the message begins.i sit down curled up knowing all too well what my father meant about how i am feeling and he is right.i feel nothing.

------

its our last day out here and California. With school coming up and all we nave to leave early.at first i thought i would want to stay but now I'm so ready to leave this place.everyone wanted to go out to some party or a club and Chris has connections to places that will let us in no matter the age.i for one do not like going to clubs to much sweaty people the lights make my eyes hurt and there is almost always a fight and I'm never in my right mind when drinking.i was going to stay home until liam begged me to go saying that it would be fun.

i got up flat ironed my hair and tried to find the most party type dress that i packed.eventually i gave up and put on my spandex type shorts which was very hard getting on and a blur crop top.when i walked out to the living room everyone was there except for Chris who was flat ironing her hair.when i walked into her room i saw her and almost laughed.one side of her hair was straight and long while the other was all curly and frizzy.

''will you stop looking at me and help'' she said glaring at me.

it took ten minutes to finish the other side of her hair and she rolled her eyes when i told her that i should get paid when she stood up towering over me in her heels.

''bro you are really short like god damn did you shrink or something'' she says laughing at me.

''ohhhh she came at your height''harry says walking into the room.

''shut up you guys are just abnormally tall I'm fine at my height of five two'' i say leaving to call an uber.

two minutes later everyone was shoved into the back of our uber.

we sing along to every song on the radio and by we i mean Chris and i the boys don't sing they can but they refuse to even though we know they sound beautiful.zayn had the best high notes and could hit them like there was no tomorrow. to me, liam had the sound that i liked the most.the boys look at us like we are crazy and laugh when our voices crack.

''you could really Eric why don't you ever you know do it professionally''liam says smiling at me.

''what ,you think what I'm doing is singing ha i couldn't sing if my life depended on it '' i say blushing A little.

''yea she sounds horrible bro you must be deaf or crazy'' Chris says laughing and i punch her in her arm.

''i agree with liam you can sing pretty well''Tyler said looking at me.

''well you can too'' i reply.

''what Tyler singing it doesn't even sound right in a sentence''harry says shaking his head.

i look over to Tyler and he raises his eyebrow mockingly knowing that what I'm saying is the truth.

we pull up to the party where Chris talks to the bouncer and we all get walked to a doorway in the ally by the club.when we walk in i am greeted with the smell of alcohol and what i am assuming is weed.i already want to go home but liam grabs onto my arm and brings me to the middle of the dance floor.we dance for a long amount of time before he goes to get a drink. a few minutes later i feel someone's hand snaking around my waist.i thought it was Liam's but the hand is too skinny and frail to be his.i turn and its some man with a beard clearly intoxicated and not in his right mind.i try pushing him away from me but he hold on tighter to my waist .when i look up to the man again the only thing i see is liam's fist punching him in the face.the whole bar erupts with screaming and people yelling 'fight fight fight' harry soon pulls liam off the guy and he looks up to me.

''Eric are you OK i knew i shouldn't have left you alone i knew it I'm sorry'' liam says looking pissed off at himself.

''its OK i just need to go to the bathroom''i say walking down one of the corridors .

i find the girls bathroom and i take out my phone to see three missed calls from zayn .i call him back and when he answers the back round is really noisy.

''hello my cinderella''he says and i smile.

''what do you want prince charming'' i say rolling my eyes blushing a little.

''i miss you that's all just wanted to hear your voice-which i cant because of how noisy the back round is'' he says.

''i could say the same for you don't worry its OK just at some party'' i say .

''well don't do anything stupid i trust you and i love you see you later'' he says then hangs up the phone.

i walk back outside to liam leaning against the wall and he pulls me closer to him.

''are you ok'' he says seriously.

''yes liam I'm fine stop being all you know protective'' i say laughing.

''i don't want anything to happen to you you are my Cinderella and we only get those once in a lifetime'' he says kissing my forehead.