That Summer I Fell in Love <3

TSIFIL // 20

Nica's POV

"Sweetie, please eat your food now. You like mommy cooking your breakfast, right, baby?" She softly nibbles my head with her nose as she says those words sweetly.

I sigh without even glancing back at her who desperately needs me to supplement my body with nutrition. It's been 4 days- 4 fuckin hell of days since that moron, dickheaded Ridge dumped me right there and then; since that bastard left me clueless about his affair with that freakin bitch whose nose I want to connect my fist with; and since that jerk slapped in my face how stupid I am for convincing myself that there was... that there was something between the two of us.

There was something between the two of us, wasn't there?

"Anak, please, isang maliit na sandwich lang yung nakain mo sa apat na araw, kaya kumain ka na." I hear the begging within her voice.

But I don't feel anything.

"Umuwi pa ko rito mula Europe para lg pakainin ka, but after all I did, ayaw mo pa rin." Then, I hear the disappointment and anger.

Pero bakit wala pa rin akong nararamdaman?

Naubos na ang pasensya ni mommy. Sermon siya ng sermon, dakdak siya ng dakdak. hindi niya ba alam na kahit anong sabihin niya, wala nang nararamdaman ang anak niya?

Maliban sa sakit.

Siguro naubos na ang energy niya sa kakasermon niya at lumayas siya ng kwarto ko. Pero ni isang beses, hindi ako lumingon. Kasi hindi ko alam pano alisin sa utak ko ang katangahang ginawa sakin at ginawa ko.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. And another... and another. Until I burst out crying and hugged my knees. Pakiramdam ko nilamon ng lahat ng sakit ang puso ko. ang bigat2x. Ang sikip2x sa dibdib. It's like being squeezed. Wala na akong pakialam sa kung ano man ang mukha ko ngayon. Mugto at nangingitim na mga mata, maputlang mukha, cracked lips, never combed hair... and smell alcohol all the time.

Yeah, Jack Daniel's is my bestfriend.

Napapagod na akong umiyak. Bakit niya ba ginawa sakin yun? I didn't deserve that, did I? I loved him for who knows how long. I'm in love with him since the day I met him. Siya yung palaging nagpapasaya sakin, nagpapagalit sakin, nagpapalungkot sakin. Siya itong bumubuntot sakin san man ako pumunta. Bumubili ng pagkain kahit hindi ako gutom. Siya yung pumoprotekta sakin laban sa mga taong gusto akong saktan.

Siya yung mahal ko... at mamahalin ko buong buhay ko.

Pero siya? Siya na ang may mahal nang iba. Siya na ang may poprotektahang iba. Siya na ang may mapapasayang iba. At ako, bigla na niyang iniwan sa ere sa kung kelan akala ko okay na kaming dalawa.

I wrapped myself with the warmth of comforter and lie myself down. And for sure, I'll fall asleep because of crying and wake up for another moment to cry.

***

I sqeeze my eyes tight and slowly open them. I stare into the ceiling for some 5 minutes. Blangko ang utak ko. Pero mabigat, dagdagan pa ng mga mata kong for what I think might look swollen and drowned by eye bags. I blink a couple of times at lumingon sa malaking glass window a few feet away from my bed. Nakabukas ang curtains. At madilim na sa labas. Ang tagal ko palang nakatulog.

Tapos, na-aalala ko naman si Ridge.

Naramdaman kong uminit ang mga mata ko. Ugh! Why don't I get exhausted with crying? Oh fuck it.

I sit up and glance at my bedside clock. It's 5 minutes to 12 midnight. I need something to do before I end up mutilating myself as necessary.

I change from pajamas to a pair of black sweatpants, thin-strapped white blouse and a grey jacket... Ridge's big grey jacket that swallows my body.