After hours

Chapter Fourteen

(A/N: this particular chapter contains graphic scenes and is rated R. From this point on I'm going to refrain from posting these disclaimers on every chapter that has sexual content. There will be a few here and there. You've been warned.)

I’m not going to like and say a part of me didn’t want to call Patrick but I felt like it would be the wrong thing to do. I hadn’t so much as spoken to Patrick since the night he had punched Daniel in the restaurant. It was odd. We had a very awkward car ride back to my apartment. Patrick had kissed me goodbye, kissed me goodbye hard. It was the kind of kiss most women hope their husband will give them following their vows, the kind of kiss that could knock you off your feet. It was our goodbye kiss, and it spoke volumes.

That had been over two months ago.

Patrick didn’t hate me, quite the contrary. We had an unspoken bond to not have contact after that point in time. It didn’t seem fair any other way. So we didn’t speak again. But I couldn’t help myself but to miss him at times. When the reality of my situation hurt worse than words could describe, when Daniel would offer a cruel word or rude remark I would second guess my decision, when Daniel’s wife would call I would want to simply run back to Patrick. But I wouldn’t do that, not again.

Patrick’s words had stung. He had said that I was attracted to Daniel because it was easy, and after that moment I tried to convince myself that that was true. If I was only with Daniel because it was easy then Patrick was right, this thing wasn’t real. When I faced the reality of my situation I had decided that I would rather be the bitch sleeping with a married man rather than a fool who was in love with one.

I wished desperately that this thing with Daniel was nothing to me, and I wished even more desperately that I could love Patrick the way he’d loved me. I wish I could have chosen Patrick. I knew it was the right decision, I just couldn’t do it.

Somehow I felt like he would still take me back if I tried hard enough, but I had done so much wrong to Patrick already. I wouldn’t drag him through this muck again. In a way I did love Patrick, I loved him enough to not put him through this again. Even though the loneliness stung something fierce, I couldn’t do this to him again, much as I wanted someone to fill this void.

This was something I had knowingly walked into. A bed I had made myself. I had fluffed my pillows, smoothed my comforter out, fixed it up to pristine condition, and then I had pulled my boss down with me and we had wrecked it up. Now, I had no choice but to sleep in it.

This bed I had made was a cold and lonely one. It was in the room hidden furthest back in the hall, or even in a closet under the stairs. My bed was the unspeakable bed, the one that disgusted everyone, brought a scowl to their faces. But still, here I would lay.

In all honesty, Daniel and I probably got to spend more time together than he did his wife. Of course, hers was the bed he would lay. We had many late nights in the office, social calls with clients, usually at a bar, once we had even sealed the deal in a strip club. Our relationship was…interesting, to say the least. There was definitely a heightened sense of andrenaline with Daniel and I. The taboo aspect of our relationship, knowing we could get caught at any second was wild. After the initial guilt had mostly worn away, it was replaces with the adrenaline, but when that faded the relationship was just hard.

I missed the openness I had with Patrick. The way he would show me off to everyone, the way he’d throw his arm over my shoulder as we sat to eat or we linked our hands together and rested them on the table in front of us. Daniel would often rub my thigh under the table or we would play footsie. He was affectionate, but always cautious in public. Our ‘dates’ always included a few other co-workers, clients, or investors.