After hours

Chapter Twenty-Seven

They don't tell you that when you have a late term miscarriage your milk still comes in. No one ever warns you not to look at your discharge papers unless you are prepared to see the words 'SPONTANEOUS ABORTION' on them.

I don't know how he did it, maybe he told her he was on business, maybe he didn't tell her anything, but Daniel stayed by my side. Every single night for an entire week. He held my hand through the D&E, he let me lay my hideous snot covered face on his shoulder when it was over, and he took me home and stayed there until the following day when he said he still had to go to work.

He brought me lunch, and made me dinner, and made sure I wasn't losing my marbles on the bathroom floor every night. I was mean to him, more mean than he deserved. This wasn't his fault, none of it was, but even still I laid insult and snarky comment on him with almost every breath.

One night I remember being specifically hurtful to him. I was crouched onto the floor of the shower letting the water pound on my back and allowing the pink stream to flow towards the drain. "I don't see why you even care so much." I mumbled.

"You're being spiteful again." He reminded me gently.

"No, I'm being honest! You didn't even care."

"Ryan, she was my daughter. Of course I cared!" He said turning the water off. He turned the hot off first and for one brief moment I was bombarded with only cold.

I gave him a dirty look. He cloaked me in a towel. "You never wanted her."

"I did." He replied calmly.

"You didn't plan for this."

"Neither did you." He pointed out and pulled me out of the shower.

"Yeah, but, but-"

"But nothing." He said and held my face in his hands. "I loved her too. And I wanted her." He tilted my head and kissed my forehead.

He walked from the bathroom to the bedroom and I followed slowly. "You never rubbed my stomach!"

"I talked to it for two days straight up to your procedure."

I scoffed. "Yeah, when you knew she was already gone. Might as well have been talking to the wall."

"Oh trust me. I know." He murmured irritably.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I sat on the bed and he began rummaging through my dresser.

"Nothing, just that-" He paused to exam a hideous flannel pajama set before throwing it back in the drawer. "You haven't been much for decent conversation lately yourself."

"You're an ignorant ass. All you ever worried about was last names, and whether or not I'd take you for child support!"

He slammed the drawer shut and turned around to face me. "Is that what you honestly think? You think I was worried about child support?" He threw a silk night gown at me and stoked out of the room. "Ryan I've paid every single one of your medical bills, I've been paying you this whole time you aren't at work, I bought all this God damn green paint and yellow onesies-" He was yelling from the other room now. And I heard a loud crash. "I was taking care of everything, for both of you!" He stormed back in and threw a deep green bank card at me. "I already started a damn account for her."

I was only a little taken aback. "Yeah but...you still...you didn't..." I was lost. "W-what about the last name and the birth certificate and everything."