Don't Let Me Forget

III - Ready To Let Go

"Sometimes the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over." - Nicole Sobon

"Hey Sam. How was last night with Maria ?" Steve asked his best friend as they both settle down on his couch, beer in hand.

"Man, I'm officially off the market ! And I'm also surprised you actually remember her name !" Sam chuckled out loud. "But it was great. She's amazing. She keeps making me laugh and there's something about her that I really like. She's not pretentious, which is good. She's natural and we have a great connection. I can't wait to see where this whole dating thing is gonna take us."

"Whoa, it looks like you were really ready to tie the knot last night." Steve said laughing with his best friend.

"Actually yes, it feels good to finally settle down with someone. Even if I have no idea what the future is made of, it feels right to be with her. I'm happy." Sam replied with a smile.

"I'm happy for you man, you deserve it." Steve answered smiling as well.

"Just like you do. I wish you could give yourself a second chance and go out there, you know. I know it's been hard since Peggy but, it's been four years. I know you've been told to move on, and you know I also said it to you. But what's holding you back ?" Sam asked softly

"Sam, you know I hate to talk about it. It makes me lose my mind." Steve replied dryly.

"Maybe it's because you don't talk about it. Maybe it's also why you can't move on. What if someone was out there waiting for you ? What if you're meant to have an amazing life but you're holding yourself back ?" Sam asked. He wasn't usually the type of friend that would push Steve on the edge, but he was determined to make Steve open his eyes. "You know, if she would still be here, she would tell you to move on, to find someone that makes you happy. You can't just stay stuck in the past. You need to let go and trust what life can bring you."

"But she's not here, right ? So we're done with this conversation." Steve said standing up from his couch. Sam could feel he was angry.

"Steve, wait. I didn't mean it this way. Look, I know it's been hard on you. I know you feel like everything is against you, that you'll never get the life you want ..."

"You know who's also not here to get the life he wanted ? Bucky. He also deserved to have a life. To find someone, to have a family, to see what the world could bring to him. But guess what ? He's not there either !" Steve was almost yelling at this point. He couldn't contain himself. He had too much anger inside him, too much guilt. "How do you want me to let go and move on when I'm constantly being reminded of the things I lost ? How do you want me to go out there when I'm losing all the people that I care about ? My mom, Peggy, Bucky ... As much as I want to move on and find someone, I don't need to add any more names on the list. It's too hard Sam."

"So you're ready to move on ?" Sam asked softly.

"I am Sam. I've been for a while now. But it's hard. It's hard to think that I could lose someone else. I don't want to feel this again." Steve said. He was ready to move on. He knew Peggy would want him to move on and live his life. It took him a lot of time and a lot of therapy, but he learned how to make peace with it. It was hard to let go of Peggy, of course, it was. Peggy was his first love, his real first relationship. And that night when she didn't make it home on time like she usually did, he knew. He knew something was wrong. Peggy was never late, never.

After Peggy's funeral, he didn't stay in touch with her family like he promised he would. It was too hard for him. So instead, he accepted a long-term mission in England with the army. He needed to get things out of his head, and that's how he decided to do it. But then Bucky happened and Steve said it was enough. He had enough of this.