The Green Labyrinth

Home Part II

Theo:

I sit at the table on the patio. Collin fast asleep in the bed. It's night time, my usual insomnia. But this time it's different. I don't want to avoid sleep to avoid the nightmares, I want to write. 

I started a song a while ago, when I started realizing I had feelings for Collin. They hit me like a truck, the one from long ago. I started this when I had feelings, because I can't let them show. But for him I did, I'm thankful for all of that. 

"Cause I gave my heart, to a goddamn fool. I gave him everything, and now there's nothing left for you.." 

~~~~~~~~~~

Collin:

I lay in bed, listening to her. Her voice echoes in my mind. I listen to the words. 

"I can't pretend. Pretend that I care. I see how you look at me, but I am not there. The damage is done. I'll save you the time. And if there are feelings there. They are not mine." 

Her voice is breaking but strong. She feels everything so deeply, it reminds me of myself. Keeping everything inside because the world is cruel, this we both know all too well. 

"Cause I gave my heart, to a goddamn fool. I lost everything, and I have nothing left for you." 

Her anthem stings in my mind. You do, you do have something left, something amazing. 

I walk out to the patio, her hands scribbling down on paper. 

"Theo?" I say. She jumps. 

"Sorry, I thought you were asleep." She says, her voice soft. 

"I was, I heard you singing and it woke me up." I sit. 

"I'm sorry." 

"No, it's the only thing I want to wake up to." She looks at the moon over the water, its reflection lights in her eyes. 

"Collin..." She looks down at her hands. 

"hmm?" I look at her. 

"I love you." She blurts out. I feel my soul ignite, my worries, fears, everything just instantly disappeared. I breathe out quickly. Like I'd been holding my breathe for too long.

"I love you." I speak. My voice cracks, I'm crying. I hear her get up, she moves my hands and sits on me, wrapping her arms around me, curling up to me. I push my face into her, holding her closer. 

"I've never said that before. To anyone, except for Lex or the guys, and that's a different kind of love." She says, her head against mine. 

"Me either." She snaps up at me. 

"Never?" I shake my head. 

"Oh come on, someone who looks like you has to have had someone before." She looks at me. 

"I did. She was great, but she couldn't handle everything I had, the strings attached to me, making me feel like a puppet. She couldn't deal with my demons. So she had to call it quits. I didn't love her, she was just someone to be with. Someone to worry about other than myself. She wasn't the one for me. We didn't fit together, like two opposite puzzle pieces. I don't think about her, she's no one to me." She looks at me, her eyes locked on mine. 

"And us?" She asks. 

"I feel more alive with you than I ever have before. Whenever I see you, my heart skips a beat, I feel it in my whole body. Whenever I'm with you, I never want to leave. Kissing you, it's like the world makes sense." She smiles.

"I agree." She locks her lips with mine. 

"So, is this real?" I ask.

"Is what real?" 

"Us, the two of us. Together?" She laughs. 

"I thought that was obvious." She laughs again. 

"How?" I laugh. 

"Collin, you bought a plane ticket spontaneously, to fucking ITALY. You brought me here, told me everything, I opened up to you. We fucked...for fuck's sake Col. I figured that was enough." She laughs. 

"Just because we hooked up doesn't mean were together.." I laugh, I've hooked up with complete strangers, they meant nothing, just anything to feel something again. It was always just a hook up and nothing more. I want something more.

I smile, she's walking around as she talks, her arms flying in the air with her words. I can't help but laugh. She stops and looks at me, her hand on her hip. I grab my phone, turning on some music. 

"What are you doing?" she laughs. I hold up a finger, signaling her to give me a minute. I go through my music until I find it. 

"Summer time and the wind is blowing outside
In lower Chelsea and I don't know
What I'm doing in this city"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Theo:

The words start playing. Collin places his phone on the table and walks over to me. He offers his hand to me. I take it. 

He pulls me, spinning me before pulling me into him. He smiles, wrapping his hands around my waist. He starts to move his hips to the music. Humming the tune as it plays. 

"Careening through the universe

Your axis on a tilt , you're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you
And there's things I'd like to do
That you don't believe in
I would like to build something.."

I start to sing the words, he does at the same time. Quietly, we sing. 

As the song ends, I feel it, the planets aligning. I look at him, his eyes glistening in the moon light. I'm so deeply infatuated by him. His scent, the way he sounds when he first wakes up. Every scar on his body. It's like he's crumpled me up and tucked me away somewhere safe, always with him. 

"Collin?" I speak up finally, my head on his chest, his heart is pounding loudly, almost like I can feel it. 

"Yeah?" He asked, his arms still around me, his head resting on mine. 

"Don't leave me okay?" My voice almost begging. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Collin:

"Never. We're both stuck in this together." I chuckle. She pulls away, her face is worried. 

"I just, I don't know what will happen if this ends badly. Which I have the constant fear that it will. I've never been close to someone. Not since..." She trails off, looking back out at the water and pulling away from me. 

"When I lost my dad, I lost myself for a while. My mom abandoned me, left me for nothing. I lived with Derek after that, his family took me and Lex in. And when I started to feel okay again, I met Kyle. And he completely broke every inch of me. I was worthless. I don't want to think about what will happen if this doesn't work out. I don't want to go back to how I used to be." She turns to me, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

"I am never leaving you. You're stuck with me, so deal with it." I walk over, taking her hands in mine, tracing her ring with my fingers. 

"Theo..." I take a deep breath. Her eyes on me. 

"I am forever indebted to you. Every thought I have is about you. The way you talk, the way you move, the way you say my name..I love every little piece of you, even the broken ones. Broken pieces can mend." I pick her up, setting her on the side of the balcony. Holding her so she doesn't fall. 

"You are my first thought when I wake up, the last one I see when I fall asleep. I dream about you, and I don't dream happy things often.." I breathe out slowly. 

Our last night here before we part and go home. I don't want to leave our safe place but Italy will never be the same. 

"Theo, I want you to come with me." She looks at me, puzzled.

"Come with you where?" 

"Home."