The Green Labyrinth

One, Two, Three

Collin:

"I'm sorry Mrs. Walsh, this is a chemical pregnancy,. Meaning there is no trace of product. There's usually a chromosomal abnormality that causes the body to terminate the pregnancy before it's further along. I'm sorry." She says, holding Theo's hand in the office. Again, here we are. Being told we don't have a viable pregnancy. 

"You will have a period in the next few weeks. Expect it to be heavier than your usual cycles. Give it a month before you try again. Allow your body time to recover." She says. She hands her a script for hormone supplements. 

"Take these when you're going to begin trying again, they help boost some of your lower hormones and allow for better implantation." She smiles at Theo, but her smile is more sad than hopeful. 

We leave the office and get in the car. 

"Col, I don't know if this is going to work." She says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"What if I can't get pregnant? What if I do and we end up back in the office with another miscarriage? What if I can never carry a baby to full term?" She says, the tears forming in her eyes. 

"We will figure this out. There's options." I hold her hands in mind, kissing them. 

The drive home is quiet. We both don't know what to say. It's been a long, hard road so far. Thanksgiving is coming up, hopefully that will give us something to take our minds off of this. 

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the store and get stuff for our Friendsgiving dinner. You guys wanna come?" Derek and Venti ask while they throw their jackets on. 

"Can I come? I wanna get some things too." Theo says, they nod and head out the door. I make my way up stairs, pacing the hallway and thinking. 

"What's up Col?" Dallas asks. 

"Just a lot of shit." I say, running my hands through my hair. 

"What?" He asks, watching me.

"What if we can't have a baby Dal? What if it doesn't work out and we end up just hurt over and over again because the pregnancies don't work out, or we lose them all along the way? Never being able to have the baby we want." I say.

"You will. You two have been through hell and back. This is just another dark, twisted road you have to go on, but there's always a light at the end. Things will work out, you gotta believe that." He pats my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks.

"Just believe in the universe Col. It will help, it will do what it can to make things right." He says. 

The damn universe. The universe decides everything. The universe took Tommy, it took my mom. It left my dad broken and alone. It hurt Theo..but it also brought us together. Like Bronte said, whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. Our souls are the same, hers and mine. I have to believe that. 

~~~~~~

Theo: 

"How are you doing?" Venti asks, driving to the market. 

"Okay." I say, playing with the rings on my finger. 

"It'll work out." He puts his hand over mine. I smile at him, but my smile isn't whole. I'm not whole. 

"Okay, we need potatoes, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, turkey, spices..." Derek reads off his list. We grab everything we need. I leave the boys, finding the aisle with pregnancy tests, grabbing a couple. Of course they have to be in the same aisle as all the other baby stuff. It's like they torture you. If you don't want to be pregnant, here is diapers, wipes, baby food, clothes, blankets...and if you do but can't, here's the sorry reminder that you can't get pregnant.