Little [Harry Styles]

[3]

January 18th 2015

***

The next few days dragged by painfully slow. Each minute felt like an hour and each hour felt like a day, I was almost convinced that Monday would never arrive and I'd be stuck in the stress of what would happen when I came face to face with Harry forever; I hadn't decided if it would be a blessing or a curse yet. I'd been fighting a battle within myself from the moment I got home after storming out of the cafe, I knew he deserved to know he had a daughter and to make the decision on whether he wanted to be a part of her life, but I also knew that he could afford better lawyers than me in a custody battle.

Eventually Sunday evening arrived, and along with it came a whole new wave of anxiety that I didn't even know was possible on top of the nerves that had already settled within me. I'd still not spoken to Nora; my phone hadn't stopped ringing and beeping from the sheer number of calls and texts I was getting. I couldn't speak to her yet, I'd not had enough time to process what she'd done yet and while ignoring her pleas for me to listen to her felt so wrong, I knew it was necessary for me.

Isabella grinned up at me from her chair and my heart swelled the way it always did when I looked at her. Her hair had begun growing more recently and the thick tufts of dark brown stuck up on the top of her head with a mind of their own. After only five months I couldn't remember my life without her, living a life without her in it just didn't seem possible anymore. 

I always used to question when parents said they'd risk their life for their children. Something inside me just never thought it could possibly be in human nature to be so selfless, but as soon as she was placed into my arms just seconds after she was born it was like a switch flipped inside me and I suddenly got it. I'd risk my life for her in a heartbeat.

"Lets get you cleaned up, hey baby?" I spoke softly to her before picking her up from her chair and heading into her nursery.

I dressed her in a grey jumper and a pair of soft white patterned leggings before placing a grey headband on her head to try and combat the unruly head of hair she had. The headband didn't last long before she'd reached up and pulled it from her head and thrown it as far as her tiny hands could manage, which wasn't very far.

Her big blue eyes stared up at me with a look of pure innocence. I never wanted that to change, how little she knew of the world and the bad things in it, nothing tainting the way she looked at the world with big, curious eyes. I was enjoying every second of the stage she was in at the moment; every day it seemed like her little personality was becomming more and more apparent and, despite my silent pleas for life to slow down so I could savour every moment, watching her discover the world had given me a completely new perspective on life. One thing was for sure though, I definitely had my hands full for the next eighteen years and beyond.

"What do you think babygirl? Do I tell Harry about you? Do you want to know your Daddy?" The high-pitched tone of my voice drifted off as I finished my sentence. I sighed, half wishing someone would just tell me what the right thing to do was but also knowing that the reality was that it was up to me. Isabella watched me as I stood in silence before throwing herself backwards onto the cushions I had lay out behind her on the bed with a squeal. "No, I don't know what to do either, sweetpea."

I laughed to myself before setting her back up into a sitting position, she had only learnt in the past week to sit up by herself and my heart had swelled with pride, sending a video of her to just about everyone in my contacts. I really had become that Mum that only spoke about her child, but I didn't care, she was (and always will be) my greatest achievement in life.

I quickly took a picture of her and sent it to my Mum and Will, knowing she looked far too cute to keep to myself, before beginning to tidy up the mess that was the lounge. Five months old and already making the place look like it had been ransacked, toys thrown everywhere, pillows on the floor, I couldn't even remember the last time I'd made the bed.