Little [Harry Styles]

[11]

10th March 2015

***

"Jesus, how can someone so little make such a huge mess?" Nora laughed, grabbing a wet wipe and clearing the banana from Isabella's face.

"You should've seen it the other day when she had beetroot, thats one babygrow she'll never wear again, and she didn't even like it." I chuckled, taking the bowl and scraping the remnants into the bin.

The past few nights had been rough. Isabella had barely slept for over an hour during the night and I was totally exhausted, I wasn't sure how much longer I could run on no sleep and practically felt like a zombie throughout the day. Thankfully, Nora had offered to spend her day off with us and had watched Isabella while I got a few hours sleep that morning, and I felt like a totally new person. Sure, the bags under my eyes were darker than they'd ever been, and my hair was still in the messy braids I'd put it in two days ago, but at least I felt slightly more human.

"So, how're things?" Nora asked warily, her concentration still focused on attempting to clear Isabella's face.

"I wish people would stop asking me that," I groaned, "I swear I've been asked that question more times in the past three months than the entire population of the U.K put together."

"I think that's a bit dramatic Marn, people are just making sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. We're fine. I don't know what part of that is so hard to understand!"

Nora turned around and looked at me, one eyebrow raised. Deep down I knew I was being unreasonable, I knew that everyone only had my best interest at heart, but being asked the same question a million times a day had worn my patience thin a long time ago. 

Everyone was so worried about me, about how I'd react to Harry being in my life again after I almost destoryed myself when he walked out, but I was fine. 

"I'm sorry okay? Just running low on sleep, now can we please talk about something other than my current situation?" I paused and sighed when I was only met with a concerned face, "David, hows David."

I watched as she stared over at me and pursed her lips, I could see the internal debate she was having with herself over whether to drop the topic. She had good reason for being so worried, she knew that Harry had always been my weakness and that him being in my life again could possibly tip me over the edge again; but she'd exposed me to that possibility when she rang him.

"Yeah, he's...he's good, he's got to fly to New York on Sunday."

I hummed in response as she continued to talk about David, her mind well and truly distracted as she ranted about something he'd done or said. Absentmindedly, I leant back against the kitchen counter and kept my eyes focused on her as my mind wandered to other places. Right now things were going great, the daily routine myself and Harry had in place was working a dream, it meant that he got to see and talk to Isabella daily, but life for the most part stayed the same. But I couldn't help but wonder about how we'd cope when he got back, when he really would want to see her. 

The thought of her spending a night away from me made my hands clammy, not being able to be there when she cried in the night, to soothe her back to sleep, to be there when she woke up in the morning, the thought made me sick. Of course I knew it was only fair that he got to spend time with her on his own but selfishly I didn't want it to happen, a part of me just wanted things to stay the same, where I didn't have to share Isabella. I didn't want to spend time away from her. 

I wasn't ready for that, I wasn't sure that I'd ever be ready for it.

***

"Finally! Can you see me?" Harry frowned, squinting at the camera.

"Yeah we can see you-"

His pixelated face nodded and leant back from the computer, grinning widely as Isabella reached towards the screen. I wasn't convinced she recognised Harry on the screen, but I wasn't about to tell him that. Seeing Isabella over video call everyday obviously made him happy, and even if she didn't know it was him on the other side at least he got to see her, even from the other side of the world.

"Good, I can't seem to get a good internet signal, I've been trying for ages."

"Well, you're here now."

"Yes I am, Hey Isabella! Hows Daddy's little girl been?" His voice lit up as he spoke to his daughter, his tone audibly changing. 

"Daddy's little girl has decided to not let Mummy get any sleep, haven't you sweetheart?"

Isabella looked up at me as I directed my voice to her and smiled, clearly very proud of the fact she'd kept me awake for the past few nights.

"Has she really been that bad?"

"Yeah, she really has been."

"Is that normal? I mean...like should we speak to a Doctor?"

I smiled as his worry spread across his face, frown lines appearing across his forehead. It was sweet that he was so worried about her, even if his worry was about something so insignificant as her not sleeping.

"Harry, she's almost eight months, babies are supposed to keep their parents up all night...its part of the job."

"Right, yeah...'course."

"So I have something I wanted to ask you..." Harry raised an eyebrow in response, signalling for me to continue, "So, I was thinking about applying to have your name put on Isabella's birth certificate...because obviously you aren't on there right now and I think its only fair to you and it makes sense."

I watched as the corners of his mouth turned up before his entire face broke into a huge smile upon hearing my words and my heart skipped a beat seeing how happy it had instantly made him. I'd figured that keeping him off of the birth certificate was the right choice when she was born; I wasn't sure that Harry would ever know about her, or if he did that he'd even want any part in her life, keeping him off of it seemed logical. But now he was here, and he was a part of her life, and if anything were to happen to me I know that I'd want him to be the one to look after her.

"Are you kidding? Marnie that would be the best thing you could ever do for me!"

"Well I figured it makes sense, you are her Dad and...and I think you deserve to be on there," I nodded, I've been looking online and it seems pretty straight forward, just a couple of forms we need to sign and send off but I can get the ball rolling for when you get back next month?"

"Marn, I...I'm so happy you'd do this for me, it means the world to me."

"You know it means that you've got to be committed though, right?" I questioned, "it means you can't just walk away when shit gets tough...its a lifetime committment, it means she's officially your daughter."

I never thought that he would walk away from Isabella, not now. Seeing how he was around her was more than anything I could have ever hoped for, he loved her more than anything in the world and would do anything for her at the drop of a hat. But knowing that he'd left everything before still put me on edge, I never thought he'd leave me.

"As if I was ever going to walk away from the best thing thats ever happened to me, she means everything to me, I'm not going anywhere...not ever."

"As long as you're sure you want to do this, I don't want to pressure you into anything...I'll get things started tomorrow."

"Trust me, this is everything I want, you aren't pressuring me into anything."

"As long as you're sure."

"I've never been so sure of anything in my life."