5SOS Imagines/Preferences ✓

If I Stay.

If I Stay.

(Imagines based on the movie. I fell in love with the book and then the movie had me in tears. One of my faves. All quotes before my writing are from Gayle Forman. Copyright not intended.)

01/12/14

PLEASE COMMENT, IT SERIOUSLY MAKES MY DAY.

I WORK SO HARD ON THESE FOR YOU I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

Calum: "I'm still here. And I'm still crazy in love with you. Please, stay." || My eyes are bloodshot and I am exhausted. I haven't slept in hours and I'm afraid that something might happen to her and I won't be with her. I know it's nothing compared to what she's actually feeling but seeing her like this, so broken and barely alive is the most painful thing I have ever been through. The fact that she is struggling to breathe on her own is enough to make me feel faint. I hold her hand in mine, being delicate with her. She's so vulnerable right now. I'm worried that she thinks I may have left. I've been with her for several hours but I've felt unable to speak. I don't know if she can hear me or if she can feel me holding her hand but I hope she hasn't give on me. I thought I had lost her earlier when her heart stopped. My eyes shift down to her unconscious state and I gently move my hand up towards her face, softly brushing my fingers up her cheek. "I'm still here, Y/N." I whisper to her; the first time in hours. "I'm so worried about you." I speak. "Please, please, please wake up. I know you're scared but if you wake up, you can make it through this baby. I am crazy in love with you, Y/N. Remember all those things we talked about? Travelling the world together, getting married, having a family? I want all that with you. Only you. I can't lose you Y/N, I can't. If you go, I think a part of me will go with you." I whimper, still looking down at her. I take her hand and hold it in mine close to my lips so my breath hits her fingers as I speak to her. "Please don't be afraid to come back to us. We all want you here. your family would want you here." I speak. "I love you, Y/N. Please, stay."

THOUGHTS ON CALUM'S?

Ashton: "It's ok if you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's ok if you have to leave us. It's ok if you want to stop fighting." || I always thought hospitals were loud places where there were machines and sirens going off and crying heard in every direction. But they're not always like that. There is a strange silence which hangs in every room, deafening almost. It's not alway quiet but when it is, it's unbearable. I also used to think that you didn't get a choice as to whether you lived or not, in this situation that is. But now, knowing all that has happened, I think that sometimes you do. And I have came to realise that my biggest fear is what Y/N may chose. I walked into her room, nervous and distressed not knowing what star she was in or if she was going to make it through the next hour. And let me tell you, seeing her lying there on that bed, was the second most hardest thing I have ever done. The first was what I said to her afterwards. I didn't know wether to stand next to her or what really, but I pulled up a seat and decided to stay by her side. Her hand was cold as I took it in mine and I hoped the least I could do was let her feel my warm skin against hers. "Hey Y/N." I began shakily. "I don't know how many nurses have been in here but I can bet that they've all asked you to keep fighting. And I know that if you can hear us that that'll be hard for you to hear." I sighed deeply, unaware of the tears which were rolling down my cheeks, falling onto the hospital sheets. "I love you." I told her. "But I..." I struggled to continue at first. "But I know that, that might not be enough. Y/N, I, I don't want to lose you. I don't want to wake up each morning and not see your face or ever write a song and know that you'll never hear the words. But I understand that maybe you don't want to wake up and maybe you don't want to hear another song. Babe, if you can hear me, if you do get to decide, just please listen to me for a minute. It's ok, Y/N. If you go. It's ok if you have to stop fighting, if you don't want to wake another day. Everyone wants you to stay though. But if you need to, you can go. I want you to stay though. More than I have ever wanted anything. I know that you might not want to, but we're all waiting here hoping you do. So if you can hear me, if you can feel me crying right now, then please wake up. But I'll still love you even if you don't."

ASHTON AND CALUM'S ARE MY FAVE ONES.

Luke: "Don't doubt for a second that she can hear you. She's aware of everything that's going on. You might think that the doctors or nurses or all this is running the show. She's running the show. Maybe she's just binding her time. So you talk to her. You tell her to take all the time she needs, but to come back. You're waiting for her." || The nurse's words kept repeating in my mind. I'm not sure if she is right but I don't know if I want her to be or not. "If you live, if you die; it's all up to you. So whatever fight you've got in you, you've got to pull it out now." How am I supposed to decide this? If I leave then I'll never know what could've happened. If I stay then, well, I'm not too sure. This is so weird and haunting and I struggle to make sense of everything. I had at first thought this was just some terrible nightmare but I have tried and tried to wake up but you just can't quite imagine this kind of pain. I see myself lying on the bed and it makes me faint to see the condition I'm in. 'Grave condition' one of the nurses said. I see all the IV drips which are in my arms and every little cut and bruise in my skin. The door opens and I turn and then I see Luke. He looks like his heart has just stopped, but in different way then mine. He rushes straight over to my side and just like that he begins to cry softly. I don't know if I can bare this. Him crying only adds to my pain, my guilt too if I decide to leave. He lets out a breath, the shaky kind like you do when you try to stop crying and he focuses his eyes on my closed ones. "Wake up." He whispers. "It hasn't sunk it yet. Any of this. I can't believe that I might be losing you. If you can hear me, if you can decide if you stay or not, please Y/N, stay. Take as long as you need. I know that you're scared and you're in so much pain right now but please, pull through Y/N. Not just for me but for everyone. I can't lose you." Luke speaks. "You heard what the nurse said, right?" He asks. "This is your show, Y/N. You're in control." He mumbles. He runs his hands through hair and stressfully begins to tear at the holes in his clothing as he waits until he knows what to say. "Take all the time you need, baby. But come back to me."

LUKEYYYYY.

Michael: "There are like twenty people in that waiting room right now. Some of them are related to you. Some of them are not. But we're all your family. You still have a family." || As I walk into Y/N's room I am finally able to see the damage. I see the scars and bruises running up her arms and legs and the cuts on her skin as well as the wires which are connected to her. I stand beside her for a few seconds before I take her hand in mine, looking down on her broken self. My thumb rubs over her knuckles before I place a kiss lightly to her wrist. There's a chair in the corner of the room and I pull it over to Y/N's side, sitting right next to her. The heart monitor beeps continuously, reassuring me that she is still breathing; still fighting. And I start to wonder if she would stop fighting if she knew that her family had too. I let out a deep breath, one that I didn't know I was holding and focus on the feeling of her hand in mine. I hope she can hear me. "Y/N, baby, it's me." I whimper softly, fighting the urge to cry. "It's Michael. I don't know of you can hear me, but I'm going to tell you this anyway. I love you, Y/N. But before you decide, please just listen to me. I'm not even going to try and understand how much pain you're feeling because I can't. I'm not stupid enough to think that it will all go away either. You've lost so much today and I hope you don't lose yourself in it all. I know you're probably feeling all alone right now and I know that me telling to this isn't really helping much but you're not. They left, Y/N but you don't have to leave us. There are like twenty people in that waiting room right now, Y/N. Some are your family and some aren't but I'm just trying to show you that you're not alone. You lost your mum, your dad and your brother and I know that you want to go too but Y/N, you still have a family. They never really left you. Please Y/N, wake up."

MIKEYYYY WHYYY.