2. Dream in Gray

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Dreams are true while they last

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Dreams are true while they last. And, do we not live in dreams?*

A lie.

I knew whatever was in front of me was not real. It was a hallucination, a make-believe yarn of my worst nightmare. I knew I was currently in one, and yet fear paralyzed me.

I was looking up towards a tall derelict building. I was barefoot, the wet moss was sticking to my naked soles. The building was covered in green ivy. Not a single window on its despondent stone wall which reeked of distress and hopelessness. I gazed upwards to where I could see the roof of the building. Horror clenched my heart as I realized what I was about to witness.

I tried to move my arms, to force myself to wake up. Yet I couldn't. I wanted to scream, to run away from there, but I was rooted helplessly to the spot.

A woman with a devastatingly beautiful face strolled towards the edge of the roof. I was too far away to see her features, and yet there was no mistaking her chalky skin, devoid of all its natural flush, her warm brown eyes and wavy auburn hair. She wore a pale white dress, her beautiful face expressionless. I felt a rising terror in my chest and I wanted to scream out, to warn her.

She walked on serenely, coming closer and closer towards the edge of the building. Desperation rose in my chest, coupled with inexplicable despair. My blood ran cold as she came and stood near the very edge. She gazed down, unseeing with glassy eyes, towards me. She didn't seem to recognize her son.

I watched helplessly as she took another step forward. Her body lurched over the edge of the building and hurtled down. Her eyes finally seemed to take in what was happening and opened wide in utter fear. I stood still, transfixed by terror.

Her flaming hair was flying uncontrollably around her face. Her mouth opened in a bone-chilling, silent scream as her body hurtled towards me unrestrained. She fell as if in slow motion. As if cruel, unyielding time had paused just so I could watch it all unfurl again with horrifying familiarity. 

My eyes flew open and stared into the inky blackness. My heart was running a hundred miles an hour. My body was shaking with sweat and terror. I could feel myself trembling as if I was feverish. 

The horrified face of my mother in her last moments was etched into my memory forever.

I silently lay there for a few minutes, my mind reeling, shaking uncontrollably. I lifted a hand to my face, noticing the wetness. I wasn't sure if it was tears or sweat. I wondered if I had screamed out and hoped and prayed that I hadn't. I waited as the vivid imagery gradually receded into the darkest corner of my mind, sealed; until another trigger unleashed them. 

Breaking glass.

I winced as the sound rang out in my ears with chilling clarity and I covered my face in my hands, feeling my eyelids burning. 

I was no stranger to nightmares, especially this particular recurring dream that haunted me every second of each day. I was engaged in a constant battle to block the thoughts away. My night terrors hadn't returned for many years, save for this one dream.

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