Amethyst 1. Inception ✓

23. Armoured by Glass

Half an hour later, we were in Aris' car, the atmosphere considerably different than last time. A part of me was relieved that he was there, but I was still debating with the fact whether he should come with me to the house or not. It felt like a too intimate part of myself.

"So...where exactly in England?" he asked after a while, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes. "To be honest...you don't look British."

I gazed at the scenery passing by me as he continued.

"Your accent-"

"It's years of illiteracy that gave me my accent. Not the region I was born in," I said shortly. I didn't want to discuss anything about my life. My stomach was already knotting uncomfortably. I expected my strange, lazy drawl to sound unrefined next to his. He didn't say anything for a while. A few minutes into the area where I was born would give him a good idea of why my accent was so crass. Vulgar even.

"It's not really bad, you know," he said after a while as I turned to face him. "Your accent." He smirked, "Chicks dig a weirdo."

I stared at him for a while. "Was that your sugarcoated way of calling me a weirdo?"

He laughed, his eyes twinkling. "Why would I sugarcoat it?" He shook his head. "Do you have any idea how many people have asked me about you? They are under the impression that we're close."

I felt annoyed by his words. I couldn't understand what would give people such an illusion.

"People tend to say all kinds of shit," I replied, clenching my jaw.

"Er...I mean-" he seemed hesitant but trudged on moronically. "I guess it's because we have been spending a lot of time-"

I drummed my fingers impatiently on my thigh, finding myself more and more irritated the longer that he talked.

"Zeke," he spoke and I gritted my teeth to keep from cursing under my breath. What was his incessant need to make small talk? My patience was worn thin by my nervousness anyway. He continued relentlessly, "Is it okay if I ask you-"

"No," I said, finally losing my temper. I averted my eyes from his gaze, my words slipping out of my mouth before I could comprehend them. "By the way, do you ever fucking shut up? Since the first damn second, you've been blabbing like a fucking idiot."

My chest felt tight the moment the words were out of my mouth. I fixed my gaze at the trees running past the window and waited for him to throw me out of the car. I wouldn't blame him. I was a deplorable, worthless, sorry excuse for a human.

I bit my tongue, blood pounding in my ears. My outburst had been instinct. No matter how hard I tried to control it, I felt powerless. I felt distorted, once again as if I was on the outside of this body that I had no control over.

Prickling hot shame overwhelmed me, my stomach twisting into knots. I had a sudden urge to hurt myself. To pay for the distress I had caused.

"S-sorry," Aris spoke, his voice trembling slightly, shocked from my sudden yelling. "I-I have a habit. I get over-excited about everything. I didn't mean to pry. Ad I just keep blabbing," he chuckled nervously and my heart sunk. "Shit, I'm doing it again. "

I vaguely entertained the thought of opening the door and jumping out of the moving car. I hoped the consequent cuts and scrapes would cause me enough anguish to pay for what I had caused. It wasn't until Aris gave a startled yell that I realized that I had released the stopper on my door.

"You'll hurt yourself!" he called and leaning over, locked it again.

I shuddered slightly. Hurt me? That indeed was the plan. I glanced at the faded cut on my index finger, picking at it again with my thumb as crippling regret rattled me.