Red Strings

Chapter 5

I woke up with puffy eyes, it was because of me crying desperately as I smothered down my sobs with my pillow.

I wanted this to end.

I really want this to end.

It's been a really long time since I've cried, I guess when there's a slight change in this systematic fate of mine, my hope surges and was easily doused by the cold reality.

My body felt like it was hit by a truck, it feels heavy and my head felt like it was breaking in two. I knew for sure that I got a fever, a nasty one.

Whenever I get a fever, it feels like death.

I'm not the type of person who is frail and weak. In a whole year, I only got sick twice but everytime I got sick, it's always bad.

I tried to crawl into my warm bed and get myself some warm water, but it was no use.

I fell down with a hard thud.

I think I'm always falling, always failing to do things according to my wishes. But why? I have exerted a lot of effort, my blood, sweat and tears are already extinguished by time but I still fought.

Yet it was futile.

I knew that no one can help me in this state of mine, especially him. He always leave at 7 sharp in the morning and it's always been like that so there's no use on asking for his help.

I took a deep breath and stood up, my legs were wobbly and my vision was covered in a fog making me not see things clearly. My nose was too clogged up and my throat felt like a desert.

I was about to step into the stairs when someone swept me off of my feet. I immediately shrieked in fright as I held onto that strangers neck, noticing the mole in his right ear.

Why is he still here? Moreover why is helping me?

"You're mumbling again"

His words cause some ripple in my eyes as I looked at him straight. It was him, but he was wearing a plain black knitted sweater with some loose pants, carrying me in his causal clothes. He's supposed to be out and working on his office, this has never changed.

"Oh"

And like the fool I am, I just murmured again. I was flustered, I can't even look in his eyes in fear of showing my emotions.

I can't let him break me.

Again.

I don't want to hope again because I knew that there really is no hope. I hate that word, it's full of my dreams and my freedom, I really hate it.

He put me in the sofa before giving me a warm blanket. Then he left and went inside the kitchen, he was inside for a long time and soon, I fell asleep.

I was awoken by someone caressing my head, it felt warm. I felt like someone who thought of me dearly is holding my head lovingly.

I took one of its fingers and held it in me while I burrowed myself into that warm hand. I never felt something like this, it's different from my mother's hands.

It's just different.

And I wished someone would hold me like this.

Forever.

But it's too late, I feel my hands slipping away from its grasp, I would never dare to hope again.

I just wanted to die peacefully.

***
Chapter 5 is now up!!

The word hope is a very powerful word yet at times, it can be irritating to hear when one is just hoping for a change yet everything they do was futile.

I wish everyone would see that the world isn't as bad, we just have to find ways on seeing our life, change.

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Thank you!