Snakes Don't Bite Their Owners

Stupid School and Stupid Parents

I so cannot wait for summer.

It feels like this year has gone on for way too long. Like as long as the queue was for the big waterslide at HydroSplash a couple of weeks ago. I was there for some kid's birthday party - I didn't actually want to go but my mum made me - and the line for the Turbo blast was reeeallly long. They said they were having some technical difficulties which means the slide was all blocked up, so we had to wait for ages to go down. I heard that somebody accidentally peed so they had to close it, but Barry said they wouldn't close the slide just because somebody wet themself. He said the water slide people wouldn't care and that we had probably been sliding through people's urine all day. I decided to leave after that.

The point is... this whole learning thing has been going on for ages. I don't really like school that much because it's kind of boring. I would rather spend my time exploring things, like my garden or my parent's bedroom (you'd be surprised at what you might find hidden in drawers). But instead, I'm trapped inside a big box pretending to listen to people ramble on about the russian revolution, different types of rocks and how to figure out how many watermelons Mark would have if he gave 20% of them to Sally (Answer: still entirely too many - like, what's he even planning on doing with so many watermelons, it's not like he's gonna eat them all... a little bit suspicious if you ask me). And then there's english, where we only ever hear about how things haven't been the same since Mr Kolesnichenko's wife left him, and how all he has for companionship are the two rotting fishsticks he found in the back of his freezer when he finally went home to his apartment after living with his mother for a year. In short - it stinks.

I had PE today which is better than sitting in class but sill totally sucky. We ALWAYS play dodgeball and I'm ALWAYS on the losing team. It's really dumb because everybody just cheats and pretends like they don't get hit. Jessica and Chelsea target me because I don't gush over pictures of random guys that I don't know. Everybody's going crazy for some actor dude named Timmy Totempole or something like that. Except for me. Oh, and Mary-Ann... she's still hooked on snotty Andy.

Maybe I need to find my own booger bot. Maybe that's what's holding me back. Emily got a boyfriend last month and hasn't stopped going on about how sweet he is and how happy he makes her. Emily's my sister by the way. She's older than me and she thinks she's so cool (she isn't). She's just like Jessica and Chleo and Ashley and everybody else. All she cares about is make-up and boys. It's stupid. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only person in the world who wants to become friends with an alien and get a pet snake. 

It's always been my dream to get a pet snake, ever since I was a kid. I even had a snake-themed birthday party when I turned 7. Nobody showed up, but I don't even care. The thing is, no matter how much I pleaded, my parents never let me get one. They said it's too dangerous, and that's totally uncool... and untrue. 

Don't they know? 

Snakes don't bite their owners.