Snakes Don't Bite Their Owners

I Don't eat Cheese if it isn't Grated

So my plan didn't really work out... 

Everything was ready to go until Roger ruined it all by deciding he didn't want to take part. Apparently my idea was too dangerous...? Riiight. Well, I couldn't exactly carry out the plan without him because I needed Jessica there, and no way would she come if it was me that told her to. But it's whatever... I don't even care cause I've got a much better plan now anyway. 

So I scrambled about in my desk until I found a loose sheet of paper. I started scribbling away about dinosaurs and bubbles and chocolate milk... then I stopped, reread my note, crumpled it up and started again:

Fine, no lions. how about Fizz instead?

Well... that's not exactly how it was written because the message was in a super special secret code... but obviously you wouldn't understand it, so I had to translate. Anyway, after I crept outside and hid the super special secret note in a super special secret location, I went back up to my room and took out my binoculars to keep an eye on it. 

It's funny how slow time seems to be when you're waiting for something to happen. And then, as soon as you look away, 2 hours turns into 20 minutes. It's like making toast... If you just sit there waiting, every single time you pop the bread up it's still not toasted. But the moment you get distracted it's already burnt. Toast is so stupid.

At exactly 11:32pm, I heard a faint rustling outside and knew that I had received my much anticipated reply:

I'm on it

FINALLY, the plan was a go. 

Now to fill you in. Fizz is not a bath bomb or soda or candy... or whatever you're thinking. Fizz is a person. It's not his real name of course - no sane parent would name their child Fizz... it's just what everybody calls him. I don't really know why, or even when it started, but he's been Fizz for so long that to be totally honest with you... I don't even know his real name. It could be Brad or Chad or even Bartholemew. 

So... what has could-be-Bart got to do with any of this revenge stuff? 

Well, Fizz has a bit of an obsession with computers. He's always fiddling about making apps and doing coding and insert more computer vocabulary here. Most importantly though... he can hack! Which is exactly what we needed to get access to Jessica's Instagram, aka the school's popularity handbook.

And so it went: Roger talked to some girl called Stacy who messaged Leticia who then called Rex who was able to get in touch with Patricia who just so happens to be the girlfriend of our master hacker! Thankfully Fizz agreed and we set about writing some interesting messages about Jessica's tier A squad, seemingly from the queen bee herself. They went a bit like this:

You probably think Zoey S is all about makeup and clothes, but she actually has a youtube channel where she posts ASMR videos of her eating chicken wings! #gross #unfriended

There's something you should know about Ashley Pertanson... you thought she had a cute French boyfriend, but really she's attracted to men with sweaty auras. #disgusting #liar

I'm about to let you in on a little secret... Sarah has a huge crush on James Dixon. She has pictures of him stuck all over her bedroom wall which she kisses every night before she goes to sleep. # eww #creepy (I'm pretty sure that one's at least partly true because she's always laughing way too hard at his jokes and her friends won't stop poking her when he's within a 5-foot radius.)

Almost immediately as the messages were sent, the responses came flowing in. Backlash from the victims spurred a string of comments about how mean Jessica was. Finally, people were seeing her true colours. And with that the mission was complete. Or so I thought...

"Harriet there's a letter here for you. It must be from one of your classmates... somebody Marvante?"

Apparently for Jessica, the feud was far from over.