Snakes Don't Bite Their Owners

"Pickles"

A party. Jessica invited me to a party. She isn't trying to kidnap my non-existent pets or frame me for murder. No, instead she inivited me to a party. Something is definitely up... I shouldn't go.

"Harriet, we HAVE to go to this!" Well, there goes my plan. "It's the first proper high school party we've ever been invited to. A real party with games and loud music and people who can't walk in straight lines... nobody has truly lived until they've attended a high school party."

"What?! Roger, you always said you didn't care about this kind of stuff."

"That was before, when we never got invited to anything. But look at this Harriet... it's MY name on an invitation to a party."

"But it's not just any party... it's Jessica's party."

"So? We can still go and have a good time. It'll probably be so full of people that we won't even see her anyway."

"Are you kidding me?! This is Jessica we're talking about... you know, the girl who's trying to ruin my life. No way am I going... she probably planning on poisoning me or something. Especially after the Instagram thing. You know Jessica.... she's hardly just gonna sit there and take it. This is probably a revenge party."

"Come on, don't you think that's a bit over the top?"

"Over the top? That's all that girl is. Laughing at literally anybody when they walk past her in the hallway and then getting everybody else to join in? That's over the top. Or how about trespassing on school property and graffitiing over her own locker to then blame it all on me for absolutely no reason. Sounds pretty over the top to me.

"Okay, yeah, so she might not be the greatest person in the world... but maybe this isn't a revenge party, maybe it's an 'I'm sorry for everything I did and I hope I can make it up to you' party. Isn't there a possibility that what we did made her realize she was being a meanie pants and has inspired her to change her ways....?"

"No. Absolutely not." 

"Fine then. Stay at home if you want to Harriet, but I'm going to go to that party with or without you." And then came the silence partnered with desperate eye contact. He wouldn't really go without me, would he? I mean... we've eaten dirt together. That's gotta mean something.

"So are you going to come or not?" I can't let Roger go alone. Who would he talk to? Who would he dance with? And what if something happened to him? I would never forgive myself if Jessica hurt him and I wasn't there to step in.

"Fine. But we'll have to have a signal."

"A signal?"

"Yeah, like something we can do or say if something suspicious happens. Like... we could pick our noses or put our arms in the air and wave them about like we're doing the YMCA dance."

"Well, obviously not either of those because nose picking is gross and the YMCA is waay too obvious. How about a code word?"

"Okay. Pickles it is."

"Pickles?"

"Yeah, it's super easy to bring up in a conversation and everybody loves pickles so nobody would ever suspect a thing. Soon as you hear it, we get out of there."

"Okay, fine. There's just one slight issue... you're still grounded. There's no way you're parents are going to let you go."

"Pffft, I can deal with that, it's not a problem." My mind flickered to the back of my third dresser drawer where my wig was ready and waiting for my grand escape plan.

And that's how I came to be exactly where I wish I never was.