Snakes Don't Bite Their Owners

Grass Isn't Very Tasty

"Are we there yet?"

It seemed as though we had been walking for hours since my near-death experience - though in actuality it was probably more like 20 minutes...

I have come to the realisation that each second spent with this boy feels like a thousand. This is partly due to the fact that he hardly speaks a word, so I'm always staring at him trying to figure out what's going on in his mind... and partly because when he does speak it takes me a while to figure out what the words he is saying actually mean. 

I don't hate him though... I know I said I did, but I don't really. He isn't pure evil like Jessica... or part evil like Roger. He isn't rude like Zoey and Ashley or gross like nasal secretion boy AnDrEw (I don't actually know if his real name IS Andrew and he just goes by Andy for short - or if the name on his birth certificate is actually only four letters long - but I will call him AnDrEw for EmPhaSis) ...and he certainly isn't BORING. So I have no reason to put his name on my hate list. 

...Sure he did kind of almost kill me, but he had good intentions - I think.

"I swear you ask that every two seconds."

"Then that's every tWo tHOuSanD seconds, which would be about 33 minutes... and I'd say that's pretty reasonable don't ya think."

He stopped walking and stared at me in exactly the same way I've been looking at him for this past however long. Like: 'whatever you just said makes absolutely zero sense... but that is okay I think I still understand.'

"Welcome to my humble abode."

He gestured in front of us and I looked up to see a big house with hundreds of doors and windows and probably 50,000 rooms with entirely too many fireplaces.

"This is not a farm, Axel. This is a mansion."

"I promise you it's much different on the inside."

"Where are all the animals? All the crops?"

"Around the back of course."

"Well can we..."

"I'll show you everything tomorrow... It's late, you're tired. You should get some rest. I can imagine this has been a very long day for you..."

"You can say that again."

"I'll show you everything tomorrow... You're tired. It's... no wait. I'm tired, you're late?..."

"It's a figure of speech, Axel. I didn't mean it literally."

"Oh, good. Cause I don't really remember what I said exactly... I think it's about time we got to sleepin."

"You can... yes, I think so."

So he escorted me into this grand house and I understood what he meant when he said: 'it's much different on the inside.' There were maybe like 7 pieces of furniture - if that - all crammed into one main room with zero light sources. Cobwebs and cockroaches littered the floor... and the walls... and any and all of the corners and cracks in this 'home', and the stairs to the second floor were half burnt and rotting away... due to the fact they were damp from the water that had clearly fallen through the LiTeRaL HolE iN thE roOf. 

"Here, you can have the spare room."

I crossed my fingers in hope the spare room would have significantly less bugs scuttling around than in the main room... It did not. 

"I know it's not ideal... but it's kind of all I've got to offer."

"It's perfect. thanks."

It is not PERFECT. It's FuLL oF bUgs For gOoDnEsS Sake. But I was still grateful because I had nowhere else to go... and whatever you call it - the way Axel is looking at me right now - it makes me want to apologise for all the bad things I've ever done.

"Goodnight Harriet."

"Night, Axel."

I will probably die from inhaling all the mold that is bound to be thriving in this disgusting, damp room... but for some reason, I'm still happy to be here.

Plus, I seem to care about what Axel thinks and I wouldn't want to be rude and refuse to stay here. Caring about things is annoying... it makes you do weird stuff.

Sometimes I just wish I was a cow. They don't have to care about anything aside from eating grass.