Snakes Don't Bite Their Owners

I Wish I was a Penguin

Roger made me promise not to drink anything... 

But everybody seemed like they were having so much fun and it just felt like another thing that I wasn't allowed to know. Another bit of gossip that nobody would tell me. So, I decided that Harriet von Schnoppengord would get to be in on the secret for once. 

That was a big woopsie on my part. 

Firstly, the stuff is gross. People might act like it's raspberry infused water with a pinch of strawberry cordial... but in actual fact, it tastes likes nail polish and balsamic vinegar. What a total disappointment. 

Somehow a few sips of whatever it was... led to chaos, and now I'm lying in the middle of a park in the middle of nowhere crying my eyeballs out.

Let me rewind for a second.

I felt pretty normal (aside from the lack of balance and coordination), except I also had an urge to say and do things I wouldn't normally say and do. Like hugging people I had never talked to before or singing the ABC's at the top of my lungs to Jessica's cat. And, uhhhh... a couple more things that I don't really want to talk about.

Point is, I made myself look really stupid. And of course, Jessica wouldn't miss a chance to humiliate me even further... so now there's evidence of my 50,000 dumb actions all over the internet for the whole world to see. Clips of me ranting about how all peas work for the government and how the ancient Egyptians probably made the pyramids out of sherbert...

And that's not even the worst part. 

See, about halfway through my improvised hip-hop routine, everybody started to assemble in the living room. Naturally, I followed the herd... and I found myself in the middle of a game of truth or dare. 

Zoey and Rex were locked in a closet for 7 minutes to do who-knows-what... make pancakes maybe?

Anton told everybody about a fling he had in the summer with a girl he met in a bookstore who turned out to be a robber and they snuck into a cinema together and ate all of the popcorn in the machines.

Andy was dared to eat Mary-Anne's boogers but refused so he had to spend the rest of the night outside in the rain.

Stephanie revealed a secret love she had for burnt sausages covered in chillies and Nutella.

James was dared to make out with Sarah - which wasn't too difficult, because apparently he thought the fact that she supposedly kissed pictures of him every night was kind of hot, so now they're dating.

And then... it was Roger's turn. To my surprise, he picked dare. There were a couple of suggestions, like: "Take off your top" or "Have a drink". But the final decision was eventually made and it was worse than anything you could possibly imagine.

My best friend, Roger DeLuca had to kiss the person I hated most in the entire world... Jessica Mar-vicious. 

I looked up at his face as he considered it. I was sure he wouldn't do it, I was surprised he even hesitated before saying no... but then our eyes locked and I realized that I didn't know him as well as I thought I did.

The world "pickles" escaped my mouth in a hoarse whisper as he turned to her, closed his eyes and leaned in. 

Then, a wave of I-don't-know-what rushed over me and all I know is I felt awful and needed to get out of that room, that house. 

So I ran.

I didn't hear him calling out after me, all I could hear was my pounding heart as I sprinted into the distance, towards wherever he wouldn't be.