Snakes Don't Bite Their Owners

If Only I had Been to Clown School

gRAgagghH

I just opened my eyes, but I really wish I hadn't because now I have to deal with all the mess I got myself into last night... as well as this stupid headache. I can literally feel my brain pulsing inside my head right now. 

Just a quick little note to anybody who happens to have my voodoo doll: pLEASE stop using my skull as a stress ball. Thanks.

The good thing is, I don't have to worry about forgetting my evening... because every single humiliating second is up online for everybody to see. Thank goodness for iPhone cameras and social media, amirite?!

Ugh, this sucks... and now to make life even suckier: it's time to face the parents.

Good thing I'm wearing my snake pajamas, cause I slithered down those stairs so hard... like a slimy string bean. I didn't want anybody to notice me before they absolutely had to... because the moment that I was about to find myself in would probably be something of a burnt burger bun. Worse, burnt sesame seeds. 

And there they are, sitting at the kitchen table. One with coffee in hand, the other pretending to be extremely interested in a newspaper... even though it's been half cut up into strips for some arts and crafts project of some sort.  

"Good morning mother. Good morning father." Formality, it's a good principle... I stand by it.

"What are you speaking like that for? Come here and sit down we need to talk to you." So I make my way through piles of stuff, ducking to try and avoid the tense atmosphere... and instead just looking like an idiot.

"So..."

"So, you know what this is about." I stand there waiting for the ice bucket or the sledgehammer or whatever they decide to throw my way. 

"We think that what you did is wrong and totally unacceptable. We are extremely disappointed and frankly, we feel that we can no longer trust you." Well that there was a bitter almond to chew... no sugar on that one. 

"Your father and I... we've been considering the options. And, well... we think it's best that you go away for a little while." That there was a fully peeled nut my friend.

"What!? Go away? Where???"

"We called up your aunt Helen and she said she'd be happy to look after you for a while."

"Helen?? What's she gonna do? Write me a story that's already been written and then tell me how nice the sun is looking?! You can't send me there."

"I'm afraid it's our only option. The boarding schools don't accept new pupils until the start of the next academic year and nobody else would take you." Wooww offensive much.

"You don't have to send me away... I'll be better, I promise. I won't go anywhere and I'll do exactly what I'm told."

"Yeah you will... you just won't be doing it here." I guess I really messed things up this time.

"We bought you a bus ticket for next Thursday, which means you'll still be going to school for a few days next week. After that, I've asked for your teachers to send you work so you can keep up to date with everything... Harriet, we really think this is the best option. For you and for us."

Stupid school, stupid Jessica, stupid Jessica's friends, stupid Roger and now stupid parents. Parents who are trying to send me away to be fixed by some stupid aunt. Why is everybody out to get me? 

Argh, I'm fed up with this. 

I've decided, I'm going to run away. I'll join the circus if I have to... I'll be one of the elephants that tries to balance on a big rubber ball while juggling passionfruits, cups of hot chocolate, or watches. I just need to get away from all of these traitors and liars and bullies.