Snakes Don't Bite Their Owners

The Moon Will Keep us Awake

Here's a quick reminder of what has just happened: I chased boy into cornfield. I lost sight of him after he ran off ahead of me. I heard footsteps behind me. I stopped moving. The feet stopped moving. I started moving. 

tHeN TheRe WaS A haNd oN My ShoulDeR AnD iT Was nOt MY haND anD i vErY mUch DiD noT FeEl cOmFoRtAbLe bEcaUsE aNyBoDy wHo hAPPeNdEd tO be In A cOrNfiELd iN ThE MiDdLe oF ThE NiGhT CoUlD NoT PoSsIblY bE SaNE.

Did you know, when you're in a moment of complete and utter terror... time seems to go v e  r   y         s     l    o     w     l      y. 

I swear my whole life must have flashed before my eyes in a matter of seconds. I thought about snotty Andy and Mary-Anne and all the little booger bot children they'll have together that I won't be able to make fun of. I thought of all the pranks I haven't yet pulled and the insults I haven't yet shared with the world. I am too young to die. Why doesn't the grim reaper go after Mr Kolesnichenko instead... or ol' man Manchil or something. I still have so much to live for. 

I froze in place like my father's glass swan - in part believing my lack of movement would somehow make me transparent... or teleport me out of this stupid place.  

I realised this was not the case as my eardrums exploded and my heart stopped beating. 

"RaaRrGhh."

Huh. That didn't sound like the voice of a murderer. Whoever it was seemed to find my near-death experience rather amusing.

"Aahahaha you should've seen your face. You were all like :0"

Once upon a time I ran up and hugged a random man at the grocery store thinking it was my father. I have, on multiple occasions, apologised to mannequins for bumping into them and gone in for high-five's that were not reciprocated. One time, I even waved at a friend out in public but they did not see me, so I tried to play it off by running my hand through my hair... but then it got stuck, and eventually they looked over and saw me gritting my teeth as I furiously tried to remove my hand from my scalp. 

Not in any one of those moments did my cheeks heat up so much as right now.

I am also not a stranger to having my phone not work for absolutely no reason and being punished for things I didn't do.

Never. have. I. ever. felt. so. ANGERY.

"Why the HELL would you dO THat??!??! Have you no SYMPATHY??? I could have had a heart attack and died right here in the middle of this cornfield and nobody would ever even know because nobody has a CLUE where I aM - I DoN'T eVeN knOw where the heck I am. I could have died and my best friend would forever think I hate him and my parents would forever think I'm a disappointment... and I wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise because I would be DEAD and they wouldn't even know because they probably aren't even looking for me and... I hate you Axel whateveryourlastnameis. I hate you I hate you I hate you."

"It's Branson."

"What?"

"My surname. It's Branson."

I had just gone on a rant about how he was a stupid idiot and did a stupid idiotic thing and he responds by telling me his sUrnAME?! 

"Look, I'm sorry for scaring you... it won't happen again."

He had clearly noticed the look of disgust on my face. It slowly washed away and was replaced with confusion and... something else that I couldn't quite place.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

So we began walking to I don't know where and I don't know why I kept going... I suppose because I had nowhere else to go and I guess - though as stupid as this boy is - I had found friendship in him. Or at least a slither of what could one day be friendship. 

"It was still funny though..."

"Shuddup."

"I mean you were all like :o and :[ and X0 and..."

"I hate you Axel Branson."

"Did you know... in Latin the word for hate is the same as the word for love."

"You're lying."

"Yeah, but it was worth a shot."